The Complexities of Coming Out – The Jodie Foster Edition

I remember the first time I said it.

It was late on a Saturday night and I had just taken a shower and was staring at myself in the bathroom mirror and I said, “I am a lesbian.”

I had never been attracted to a woman and had never questioned my sexuality but then I was and I did and that’s how I found myself looking into that mirror, alone with my realization.

I spent a little time bargaining…maybe it was just this woman…maybe I was just lonely…maybe I was bored.

I gripped the sink and bowed my head before taking a deep breath, looking back into the mirror and saying, “I am a lesbian.”

I just knew.

This was 1990 and there were no out lesbian actresses or musicians. I had never even met a lesbian before going to college. The word itself conjured up every stereotype and slur I’d ever heard but still I knew.

Within six months, I had told everyone who was important to me. My friends stood by me. My sister gave me unconditional love and support. My mother threatened me and then told me that I was no longer her daughter. A beloved aunt stopped speaking to me and I will be forever grateful to my other two aunts who stood by me. My stepmother disapproved and it put a greater distance between me and my young half-brother. I’ve been harassed by co-workers and by strangers.

And yet I have no regrets because I could not bear keeping the truth from the people in my life.

But that is me.

Coming out is a deeply personal decision.

Tonight, I sat on the couch with my partner of nearly 20 years and watched Jodie Foster’s acceptance speech at the Golden Globes and held my breath when it was clear that something was coming and was stunned when she finally came out. It was awkward and painful and brave and inspiring and long overdue. I cried when she acknowledged her ex-partner and co-parent and talked lovingly about her family. As if all of that wasn’t good enough, she ended with this:

“…it will be my writing on the wall – Jodie Foster was here, I still am, and I want to be seen, to be understood deeply and to be not so very lonely.”

And this is what it’s all about. In speaking the truth, we claim ownership of our own stories.

It was an imperfect but beautiful speech made by a woman who has said little about herself over the years.

Do I wish she had come out years ago? Of course. But we do not yet live in a world in which coming out doesn’t matter so the night was a win.

I was teary and on a little Jodie Foster high until I saw tweets criticizing her for not being direct enough and people calling her a coward for not doing it sooner and people saying that her speech was horrible and, while I usually go to place of sadness in those moments, I was angry.

Have we really become so entitled that we have lost the ability to see the pain in another’s struggle?

Have we become so bitter that we sit in judgement of the words someone chooses or how awkward they appear when speaking their truth?

Have we lost all compassion and perspective?

Have we really become so cynical?

We do not know Jodie Foster. We don’t know what it’s like to grow up without privacy. We don’t know what it’s like to have your personal life dissected in magazines and by strangers. We don’t know anything about her life.

I will not judge her and will simply be thankful that she came out.

And I’ll also be thankful for her arms.

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79 Responses to The Complexities of Coming Out – The Jodie Foster Edition
  1. Blazer
    January 14, 2013 | 12:40 am

    Perfectly put! Thanks you.

  2. Laurie
    January 14, 2013 | 12:52 am

    “Have we really become so entitled that we have lost the ability to see the pain in another’s struggle?”

    That was what I heard in tonight’s general response, interspersed with gorgeous acceptance and awe from people who got the heart of it.

    What she said was beautiful and defiant, articulate and a little bit weird, just the way I like it, a painting I’d have to look at for several minutes to take away my true perspective.

    It was exactly as I’d think it should be for her after 47 years of a life in this business. And I am grateful to her, as I am to you, for the ability to claim truth on your own terms, as an example of what that looks like. And if that doesn’t make immediate sense to the general population in the consumption? I think that’s just fine, because a lot of what happens out there doesn’t make sense, ever.

    I’ll be sharing this a bunch when the East Coast wakes up. (And dear lord, those arms. I have eight years to get those at 50. That’s my new challenge.)

    • Mir
      January 14, 2013 | 6:04 am

      Yes, yes, yes. I felt like Laurie and I were on Twitter going HOT DAMN, AMAZING while everyone else in my feed was all “Is she drunk? Is she a dog trainer? What just happened?”

      What happened is she’s Jodie fucking Foster on her own terms. I thought it was amazing.

      • Vikki
        January 14, 2013 | 9:35 am

        Jodie Fucking Foster indeed.

        • Jen
          January 14, 2013 | 12:37 pm

          Yeah! Jodie Fucking Foster!!

    • Vikki
      January 14, 2013 | 9:35 am

      I will spend today lifting weights. I’ve only got 6 years.

  3. Deb Rox
    January 14, 2013 | 12:53 am

    As you know I agree, I think she’s amazing and her truth was elegant and even brutally delivered. And maybe at times, just as she said, “quiet so only a dog can hear it.” I think it was pretty complex for a late-night awards show, and on Twitter people weighed in without hearing it again. I hope they reconsider.

    • Vikki
      January 14, 2013 | 9:36 am

      It was very complex. Brava to you for your deconstruction on Babble as well.

  4. Michael
    January 14, 2013 | 1:45 am

    I missed it. I wasn’t even watching. But I’m guessing a lot of people were watching and missed it, too. Because I didn’t hear about it until I ran across it here, and that’s kinda how it works today. Truth is out there, but there’s so much other crud that gets sucked up and sprayed around all over and over and over… Some truth is a seed that will eventually be a great oak, and there will be no denying it as it casts it’s shade. Thanks for posting. I want to honor your courage for living a truthful life, the best that you can. Good on you, and may you continue to find ways to celebrate this life, despite the bitter pills we have to take.

    • Vikki
      January 14, 2013 | 9:36 am

      Thanks Michael.

  5. becca
    January 14, 2013 | 2:21 am

    I hadn’t seen the criticism, and my partner and I were very happy when I ran across the information in my Twitter feed. I will never understand why people, especially those of us who are gay, get angry because someone didn’t come out ‘ sooner.’

    I came out 6 years ago, it happened when I was ready.maybe we the community at large should give everyone else the common courtesy.

    and her last statement was incredibly moving.

    • Vikki
      January 14, 2013 | 9:37 am

      Yes to all of this.

  6. Jessica
    January 14, 2013 | 6:11 am

    I hadn’t seen the criticism but it was great to see her become public about her life. In many ways I never understand the pressure put on people to “come out.” As a straight person I never had to make an announcement that I was straight and I don’t feel that anyone should have to make a public declaration about their sexuality.

    I’m just going to keep hoping that some day who people love is not judged and we’re all in a sunshine and rainbows world. :)

    • Vikki
      January 14, 2013 | 9:38 am

      You are right – in an ideal world, we would never have to make declarations about our sexuality. Sadly, we are still far from that ideal. I share your hope for that day when the world is sunshine and rainbows!

  7. Varda (SquashedMom)
    January 14, 2013 | 6:18 am

    Wonderful post. I hadn’t seen or heard anything about this (being deep in the bubble of my-mother-is-in-the-hospital-and-maybe-dying) but will now listen to her speech. I have always loved Jodie (especially in my lesbian years when I was looking for girls like me, because even tho she wasn’t out publicly, we all knew).

    And YOU, once again, are a truth=teller of the highest order.

    “Have we really become so entitled that we have lost the ability to see the pain in another’s struggle?

    Have we become so bitter that we sit in judgement of the words someone chooses or how awkward they appear when speaking their truth?

    Have we lost all compassion and perspective?”

    YES. I love your words, and am so glad you are here to share them, friend.

    • Vikki
      January 14, 2013 | 9:39 am

      Thank you for your kind words. I also can’t help but wonder if my age plays a part in my reaction. More to think about.

  8. Pgoodness
    January 14, 2013 | 6:43 am

    I think something is wrong (or very right) with me…I never considered her sexuality. She is an actress, has always been very private; who she loves is none of my business. I think what she said was hard and amazing and honest.
    I’m sad that people still need to come out and that it’s a big deal…you love who you love. It doesn’t change who you are to me.

    • Vikki
      January 14, 2013 | 9:40 am

      Coming out is still a big deal and so I’ll sing the praises of all who do.

  9. Jenna
    January 14, 2013 | 6:53 am

    I didn’t see the criticism because I avoided twitter last night. (I don’t watch award’s shows and thus don’t play on social media when they’re happening.)

    Getting to a point where you can verbally say who you are — awkward or not, on a stage or in your parent’s living room, late in your life or early on — should be something we all aspire to achieve.

    And holy cow, her arms. We should all aspire to those too!

    Thank you for your important words.

    • Vikki
      January 14, 2013 | 9:40 am

      Shall we start the Jodie Foster arm challenge? ha.

  10. Sharon
    January 14, 2013 | 6:59 am

    Lovely post. So true. What struck me most was how this incredibly poised, articulate, intelligent woman sounded terrified.

    Side note: I just texted my partner with “OMG Jodie Foster came out” and got the response, “Did she call you? You know you definitely get a free pass :)” #TrueLove

    • Vikki
      January 14, 2013 | 9:41 am

      “Lovely post. So true. What struck me most was how this incredibly poised, articulate, intelligent woman sounded terrified.” THIS.

  11. edenland
    January 14, 2013 | 7:08 am

    Wow, what a post. I watched the speech for the first time just now, thank you for writing about it.

  12. Momo Fali
    January 14, 2013 | 7:08 am

    I’d be thankful for her arms, if *I* had them. And, all of this cynicism and lack of compassion is exactly what I was going to write about this morning, but you did it so much better than I could have, so now I can just sit back and drink my coffee. Thanks!

  13. Lora
    January 14, 2013 | 7:11 am

    I wasn’t home for the awards, so my entire knowledge of what happened was based entirely on my twitter feed (as is so much of life these days). I was really surprised and confused by the reaction to Jodie’s acceptance and the information she revealed. Some people were thrilled, some angry, some confused. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what she must have said. Or how I was supposed to feel after she said it

    I was really upset to see that so many people were disappointed on “the way she did it”. Be it so late in life, so wishy washy, so naive to thefact that we have all presumed so since the early eighties. Whatever.

    As if there is a right way to come out. A good way. A bad way, a wrong way.
    For those who have come out and know what an enormous thing that it, I hope that they realize how hard this must have been for her. How huge living a lifestyle that was in the metaphorical closet, no matter how transparent the door may have been, while in the public eye must have been.
    What Jodie did at 50 is no easier than what others do at 30, 20, 15, never. It’s effing hard.

    I’m proud of her for being her and doing things her own way.

  14. Mom off Meth
    January 14, 2013 | 7:33 am

    Absolutely wonderful.

  15. Marie Nicole
    January 14, 2013 | 7:34 am

    “And I’ll also be thankful for her arms.”

    Rawr! That was a beautiful speech. Beautiful. Inspiring. Touching. Political. Personal. Everything.

    I love her so much. And this was a touching tribute…

    • Vikki
      January 14, 2013 | 9:42 am

      Rawr indeed!

  16. erin margolin
    January 14, 2013 | 7:38 am

    love this, love you. moved. powerful.

    i had a mental health night, so i missed this and am glad you posted/shared it….

    ;-)

    xo

    • Vikki
      January 14, 2013 | 9:42 am

      Glad I could help you catch up!

  17. Julia Roberts
    January 14, 2013 | 7:55 am

    We can only respect and honor anyone’s decision to reveal what they want when they want. Bravo to anyone who speaks their truth, no matter how long it takes for them to do it.

  18. dianne
    January 14, 2013 | 8:02 am

    And the effect of having a psychopath shoot the POTUS to get your attention…at about the age you’ve started college and are trying just to be “normal”…probably is incalculable. It’s like she was in a prison. I hope she feels the weight off her unbelievably toned shoulders and finds peace.

    • Vikki
      January 14, 2013 | 9:42 am

      Very true. I try to forget about that.

  19. thedoseofreality
    January 14, 2013 | 8:06 am

    This is a great post. Thanks to Julia Roberts for sharing it on Twitter. I thought she did a wonderful job of protecting her right to a private life while also bravely embracing her truth. :)

  20. Esther Wifler
    January 14, 2013 | 8:15 am

    I admit I thought she might be having a manic episode when the acceptance speech started. Then it started to dawn on me that she was winging it. She was just a regular human standing up there nervous and a little freaked out. I think people expect celebrities to be something other than regular damaged humans, like we all are, and i found myself admiring her even more.

  21. Shannon
    January 14, 2013 | 8:25 am

    I didn’t watch the Golden Globes last night and wasn’t on Twitter, either, so your post is the first I’ve heard of this.
    When did we, as a society, decide that we have jurisdiction over the lives of others, over the words of others? When did we decide that we get to dictate what people say and when they say it?
    I watched the video that you shared of Jodie Foster’s speech. All I can say is that I hope she was happy with her words because it was her moment. I lay no claim to it.

  22. Maria
    January 14, 2013 | 8:34 am

    Thank you for this.

  23. Mary Lauren
    January 14, 2013 | 8:43 am

    I applaud Jodie Foster and was really moved by her speech last night. I have to admit that I didn’t really understand what was going on at points and felt that maybe I’d missed something…but I can’t imagine how nervous she was, especially in a forum like that. I appreciate the boundaries she’s built around her private life- doesn’t everyone deserve to life life on their own terms? Thanks for writing this.

    • Vikki
      January 14, 2013 | 9:43 am

      Yes, we all deserve to live on our own terms. YES to this.

  24. Millicent
    January 14, 2013 | 8:43 am

    I, too, held my breath when she was on the brink of ‘saying it’. How brave of her for saying anything, and doing it in front of the world, and her sons, and while accepting a lifetime achievement award!

    I am glad that she pointed out that celebrities’ personal lives should be none of our business.

  25. Lovingly/Mockingly Referred to as Pretty-Girl on this Blog, But More of an Occasionally-Handsome-Middle-Aged-Butch
    January 14, 2013 | 8:50 am

    With Susan, I have always had the “If I have the opportunity to sleep with Jodie Foster I do not need to call home and ask for permission” clause (I assume it is a popular one). I must say I love a lot more than just her arms…

    I hear she has a brilliant mind.

    Rocki

    • Vikki
      January 14, 2013 | 9:44 am

      Now’s your chance! Out and single…

  26. Rachel
    January 14, 2013 | 9:04 am

    I watched the speech and have mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, I see that she used her award as an opportunity to make a statement about herself, her need for privacy, and her need to express who she truly is in a public platform. I think she stumbled a bit (maybe nerves? maybe alcohol? maybe just the craziness of the moment?) but she had these moments of eloquence that were touching and poignant, talking about her mother, her children, and her life to this point. On the other hand, my feeling about her mentions of her sexuality were “Eh-whatever.” Regardless of what she has or has not said publicly, I have always thought of her as being a lesbian and, frankly, I didn’t really care one way or the other. Her life is hers to live and if she wanted the privacy, she could have it. I know she has always valued her privacy and so found it odd that she used such a public moment to discuss something that is nobody else’s business or problem. Thank you for your reflections on the moment.

    • Vikki
      January 14, 2013 | 9:45 am

      Her mentions of her sexuality were important. Even though many people already knew, it mattered deeply because many people didn’t. Every time someone says it aloud, it can make a difference for someone who hasn’t yet been able to.

      • Rachel
        January 14, 2013 | 10:51 am

        I agree. I guess I just still live with the hope that one day, we will live in a world where it just doesn’t matter. I feel like we are getting there. Slowly.

  27. Meg
    January 14, 2013 | 9:28 am

    People are criticizing her for waiting and weighing in on her life which is what she was trying to avoid by waiting so long. But I think she just really needed people to know her true self and I think that is a good thing. Everyone has their own time table. She was very sincere and I was moved to tears.

  28. Lady Jennie
    January 14, 2013 | 9:49 am

    She does have killer arms. ;-)

    I just ache that you faced rejection from people who were so important to you. I wonder if the bridges have been rebuilt since then? Reading your posts touch my heart.

    Sending you love and hugs, Vikki!

    • Vikki
      January 14, 2013 | 10:34 am

      Yes, the bridges were rebuilt. Thank you.

  29. tracy@sellabitmum
    January 14, 2013 | 9:50 am

    I stood up applauding her. Because we all should be. Loved it. Love her. Love you.

  30. Kaitlin
    January 14, 2013 | 10:02 am

    I loved every wild, heartfelt, brutally honest bit of her speech last night. I can’t imagine the courage that it took to stand up AT AN AWARDS SHOW and come out, to say something that you know people have been waiting for years to hear from your lips. The bit directed towards her mom was so touching and tender. I’m just so happy that I watched that awards show and got to witness it all (and chat with you about it!).

    I’m also happy about those goddamn arms. See you at the gym, Foxy!

  31. Bionic
    January 14, 2013 | 10:04 am

    Preach it, sister.

    Did everybody else do a better job than this in their coming out speeches? I sure as hell didn’t.

    The more I think about it, the more I realize that if she hadn’t sounded so awkward and uncomfortable and frankly human, THEN I might have been annoyed at her. The quality of her speech made it so apparent that she really has been torn over this, not, as I have heard said or implied many time, just comfortably reaping the benefits of others’ bravery at coming out sooner without taking the risk herself. It’s almost like she’s a real, flawed person.

    Except for those arms. They are clearly supernatural.

    • Vikki
      January 14, 2013 | 10:35 am

      Ha! Yes…those arms…

  32. Shannon Drury
    January 14, 2013 | 10:57 am

    What a refreshing reminder of the fact that once upon a time actors were ACTORS, who made movies and then did publicity junkets and awards shows and whatnot, but they weren’t expected to be insane 24/7 media machines.

  33. Megan
    January 14, 2013 | 11:26 am

    I loved this. She is wonderful, and I think she did this in such a classy way. But I don’t know what to call it – clearly she came out a long time ago (I’ve known for a while now), so this is more an affirmation maybe? Either way, I love that she said it without actually saying the words. She gave us what we wanted, what we think we deserved to have (eye roll) but not in the way we (and I use we loosely) wanted it. She wins.

    Also, she’s 50?! I mean I know she’s 50, but wow. She looks amazing… and those arms – I must know how she got them…

    • Vikki
      January 14, 2013 | 1:35 pm

      I hope it feels like a win to her too.

  34. Arnebya
    January 14, 2013 | 12:22 pm

    Honestly, I wasn’t paying attention at first. It was on, I was flipping between it and African Cats because, well, I’m sorry, should I have a reason? Anyway, I remember smiling because she was smiling and she looked so genuine and happy and I realized I was missing what she was saying because wasn’t it just another acceptance speech? I rewound it and listened to her. And even though there were times I think she rambled, her point was there (and she was caught up in the moment and I loved it; it was so…unwritten!) Her admission was there and I was proud of her, for her and also a bit sad once I looked at Twitter briefly. Forty-seven years and still we ask for more, give us more, tell us all your secrets because we deserve to know. Bullshit.

    My favorite part though: I’m 50! (Because like she said, she couldn’t do the SNL reference justice in that dress but I know full damn well she would have if she’d been in pants.)

  35. Julia
    January 14, 2013 | 1:16 pm

    I think that’s all anyone wants is to be understood and have the freedom to be themselves. I enjoyed her speech and I think she was very brave to make her private life public after so many years.

  36. Kelly
    January 14, 2013 | 1:20 pm

    I didnt see it live, only the reaction via FB. I loved that she was shaky, a bit defiant and not polished. Made me feel like I was seeing the real person for the first time – not someone acting! Kind of makes me respect her more.

  37. Clare
    January 14, 2013 | 1:21 pm

    I am so glad you posted this whole video. When I came online, I had had no idea this happened. Both twitter and facebook pointed me to disjointed, chopped videos of the speech and questioned her sobriety.

    The full video was beautiful and moving. The look in her kids eyes was overwhelming. The joy and fear and realness she showed was a lovely treat. She, like all of us, deserves our privacy and coming out is so very personal. Being in the spotlight, I would imagine, you have to build walls very carefully of what you are comfortable with and not.

    The reason you build those…. for the very reasons I thanked you for the full video. Because people will use what you say and turn it on its head.

  38. Rosstwinmom
    January 14, 2013 | 3:10 pm

    Tried to leave this on the BlogHer post…

    The thing I keep going back to when I hear the effects of a person coming out is this thought that people choose to be gay. Really? You chose to alienate family and be hurt by them? I’m kind of thinking that if you really had a choice, you’d do the thing that would be less scary. And poor Jodi (We’re totally friends.) has seemed so lonely all her life. And she is because people all want something from her. Even people who should be supporting her want her to be the Jodi they need, the gay advocate. But I think she’s made it clear that she just wants to be. We all just want to be. My husband loves me for being 100% Stephanie. All of it. He has never tried to change any part of me. And that’s all any human wants. Love me. The real me.

  39. Kristen
    January 14, 2013 | 3:14 pm

    Jodie Foster has always seemed so strong to me. There is a power within her that shines in every project she touches. She only seems that much stronger to me now. I hope she doesn’t have to be so very lonely either.
    Thank you for sharing this. I was taking care of my sick daughter and didn’t turn the TV on.

  40. Kathy
    January 14, 2013 | 10:35 pm

    This is beautifully written Vikki. I SO appreciate your perspective. I didn’t see it live, but when I watched through your link it made me cry. So touched by her courage and honesty.

  41. Heather
    January 15, 2013 | 3:46 am

    Reading your post is amazing! I had no idea she was coming out! I thought she was on drugs or drunk, and just rambling incoherently and having a nervous breakdown, I feel bad, not sure all will get the message she wanted to send

  42. Melissa
    January 15, 2013 | 7:52 am

    So true. We all have to find our own way and our own path. As someone whose family stayed by me, but still struggled to accept the truth and told me many times how I had done such a bad job of coming out. My bad coming out was partly to blame for why they struggled to deal with it, or that was what they believed and wanted me to believe. Like you, many bridges have been mended, but I can’t tell you how glad I am to read your post today supporting Jodie Foster for having the courage to come out openly inthe public eye. I love her for having that courage. I’m happy to see I’m not the only one.

  43. Kim
    January 15, 2013 | 9:37 am

    The thing that struck me most about her speech was her dedication to the authenticity of her own life, her point that she had been living in public view since she was three, she was out to the people who mattered most to her, and her decision had less to do with the rest of us than it did with her own sense of self. We don’t own Jodie Foster. We didn’t when she was a young actress, we didn’t when that maniac used her as an excuse to shoot the president, we didn’t ever own or deserve details of her private life. It’s hers.
    And it was also painfully clear to me that there was no way for her to come out in a satisfactory fashion to anyone. There were tweets from homophobes, there were tweets from people who thought she should have stated it more clearly, there were people saying she said it to get attention. It made me crazy – I can’t imagine what it felt like to her.
    She was fierce. I have all sorts of admiration for her, right down to her loyalty to Mel Gibson.

  44. Anonymous
    January 15, 2013 | 9:48 am

    I’ve always wondered about sexual orientation: what determines it? Is it a “lifestyle choice” as critics assert? Is it genetically innate, a truth you are born knowing? Does it happen for some as a response to childhood abuse? Can it change during your lifetime for no plausible reason? I’ve known plenty of Gay and Lesbian people in my life (including close family members) but have never had the guts to ask their opinion on this, no matter how “out” they are. I’m straight, but I’ve always defended gay rights. Now, I am the mother of a child who I suspect may be gay. I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but I also want my child to feel support and acceptance, especially at home. What are your thoughts on this?

  45. Holly
    January 15, 2013 | 9:54 am

    I could NOT agree more.

  46. AA
    January 15, 2013 | 10:50 am

    Jodi is amazing. Everything about her really. And man, she looks good. If I was lesbian I’d want her to be my free pass! I really want to be her best friend now! I love her mind. To me, not ever having to come out, so what do I really know, I think her timing has more to do with the age of her kids and the state of he world. There comes a time as a parent that you want to show your kids how … On many things. What resonated for me was when she said, this song,all of this, is for you. I think she was showing them that it was okay to be who you are and she was owning it.

  47. Barbara
    January 15, 2013 | 3:29 pm

    I was one of the ones who didn’t appreciate this speech. However, I listened to what you and others had to say and I’ve thought about it. I’ve come to a semi-different conclusion.

    For Jodie Foster herself, in retrospect I can see that she was quite nervous, thus the rambling. For a shy person to get onstage at all, as themselves rather than a character, is probably excruciating. I thought back to the first time I was publicly gay and I had more empathy. I’m not even remotely famous and it was difficult to say on TV that I am a lesbian. Of course, it was 1988. With that in mind, kudos to Jodie for taking that step and doing something that was clearly hard for her. In this regard, yes, it was brave. Personally brave.

    I had issue with people acting like this was the best thing that had happened to gay people since Stonewall, however. In my mind, that is disrespectful of all those who actually were in danger when they came out, those who had a lot to lose. I also recognize that I don’t know Jodie and I don’t know what this could have cost her. I don’t know all of the circumstances.

    Thanks for giving me something to think about. It sometimes takes me a bit for it all to filter through, but I do appreciate a different viewpoint.

  48. James Walker
    January 15, 2013 | 5:16 pm

    Hi, I am new to your blog but I am completely enveloped by the way you write. Thank you for sharing your story and insights. They are important to the younger generation. You give us hope and relieve our doubts. You are why we tell our stories. I look forward to reading more from you.

  49. News & Things | women write about comics
    January 16, 2013 | 7:23 am

    […] out at the Golden Globes, and our treatment of celebrity sexuality and truth telling. See also The Complexities of Coming Out, Jodie Foster Edition, Up Popped A […]

  50. Galit Breen
    January 16, 2013 | 10:42 pm

    A-freaking-men.

    {This is a stunning post, btw. STUNNING.}

  51. Sisters from Another Mister
    January 17, 2013 | 12:05 pm

    What a fabulous post, and the list of comments and the fine words from the amazing writers who have gathered here to heap praise – its like a Golden Globe nod all over again xxx

  52. jana
    January 17, 2013 | 12:23 pm

    Oh, Vikki. THIS. Thank you for this. And thank you for the picture of her arms. They’re amazing just like she is. And just like you are.

  53. Tish
    January 19, 2013 | 9:42 am

    Thank you for this piece!

    I am 28 y/o female. queer. and coming out was very difficult…I only told my mother last March, after being with my now ex for almost eight years.

    I too struggled with actually saying aloud that I was a lesbian, and questioned was it just this one woman that I was in love with, maybe it was a passing phase.

    Nope. This is me. Not a choice, but finally an acceptance of all of me.

    I am proud of Jodie Foster, I cannot imagine coming out on such a large scale…those that criticize are probably themselves still in the “closet”. Yet see some comfort in others opening the door that they still have yet to come from behind…to each their own.

    Bookmarking your site!

  54. I will. I WILL. Will you? | Erin Margolin
    January 22, 2013 | 1:26 pm

    […] I will be brave like Shannon and post things like this.  I will be kick-ass like Vikki and share really pertinent, inspiring things like this. […]

  55. Gay rights and our society
    January 22, 2013 | 7:06 pm

    […] a powerful post last week from the ever-insightful Vikki of Up Popped a Fox on the criticism over Jodi Foster’s acknowledgement of her sexuality at the Golden Globes. My children are sitting atop the rock I live under, watching Nick Jr 24/7, so […]

  56. michelle
    January 23, 2013 | 1:04 pm

    beautiful. i watched it a day late, but I thought her speech was amazing. and your words, lovely xoxo

  57. Terri Sonoda
    January 24, 2013 | 6:12 pm

    I watched Jodie come out that night and it brought back all the awkwardness, realization, pain, elation, and empowerment of that moment for me some 24 years ago. I was very proud of Jody and cannot imagine how trying to live privately in front of the whole world’s scrutiny may have felt.
    This was an a wonderful article. Thanks for posting.

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