I was in New York last week to attend a conference and, while there, I didn’t have a single Diet Coke. I drank a lot of water and a lot of other things but no Diet Coke and I didn’t realize it until I was at the airport to return home. So, I immediately bought a Diet Coke because it’s important to give yourself what you forgot you wanted. I also bought some pretzels because one night several nights before, I was sitting in a bar with friends and said, “Wow. I really wish I had some pretzels.” There were no pretzels to be had then but, at the airport, there were and though I didn’t want them, I was so impressed with my memory and my ability to delay gratification that I bought them to go with the Diet Coke I felt obligated to have. This is how you do self-care.
I sat down with my Diet Coke and pretzels and ate and drank like it was my duty to American capitalism and I had an epiphany–Diet Coke tastes like chemicals and eating pretzel bites is like eating bread rocks. I did finish the pretzels because I have a fear of being trapped on a plane while hungry and being forced to root around in the seat pocket for a stray bag of peanuts or a slightly fuzzy M&M but I could not drink the Diet Coke and I took this as a sign that it was time for me to give up Diet Coke.
This is my journey and my internal thoughts along the way…
6:00 am: Today is the day! I am giving up Diet Coke! This is so exciting. I am going to finish this coffee and then go running and then I am going to write 229 blog posts!
10:30 am: I smell like sweat and I’m too tired to walk to the shower. Why am I so tired? Can I go to bed now? I will shower…I will…soon…
12:30 pm: I have showered and I am clean and now I get to have lunch! After lunch I will write 112 posts because I need to be realistic and I haven’t written anything yet.
12:45 pm: This is the saddest lunch ever. A sandwich and chips and no Diet Coke. Sad. I am sad. Everything is sad. This dining room table is sad. Why am I so sad?
1:00 pm: I am thirsty. I now understand how people lost in the desert feel except that I am in my house and it’s not hot and there isn’t any sand here. Why am I so thirsty? I had coffee and…I haven’t had anything to drink but coffee. I don’t understand how to make the thirst go away.
2:00 pm: WATER! I need to drink water! But I hate water because it has no taste. It’s like air. Actually, it is air except for those hydrogen molecules but does hydrogen have a taste? NO IT DOES NOT. I will drink water. I will drink a big glass of water because I know that this is what human bodies need to survive but I will resent it.
8:00 pm: Yay! I get to meet a friend for appetizers!
Galit: I’ll have a Diet Coke.
Vikki: I’lll have…water.
Galit: Just water?
Vikki: I gave up Diet Coke. I want to order onion rings but I don’t think I can eat onion rings and drink water. You have to have a Diet Coke with onion rings…and french fries…and popcorn. You can’t eat any of those things with water!
Galit: I know! Get a club soda with lime!
Vikki: That’s a great idea!
11:00 pm: Club soda is amazing! I will drink it all the time! Life is good!
All day: This is ridiculous. I don’t even drink that much Diet Coke. This shouldn’t be this hard. How many do I usually have a day? One? I’m sure I’ve never had more than one ever. I would remember if I drank a lot of it, right? Unless I have Diet Coke related dementia then I wouldn’t remember it. That’s not funny. No, I am sure I have never had more than one a day, maybe no more than one every couple of days! Drinking one every once in awhile is no big deal. I could do that. I could cut back to that…I mean go back to that previous pattern of drinking no more than one every once in awhile. Why should I deny myself? Because I know it’s bad for me and my friends think it’s poison. Fine. I won’t have any. I will drink this club soda with lime and then, on my way to get Zeca at camp, I will get coffee. Are you happy, brain?
Morning: I never drank Diet Coke in the morning so why am I even thinking about it right now?
Afternoon: This is stupid…worse than the time I went vegan just because I was bored.
That’s it so far. I’ve only made it three days and have lost a tiny bit of my will to live but I’m sure I’ll rally! I have to rally. Seriously. Someone help me rally.