I drove to Kansas City a couple of weeks ago which meant that I had a lot of time to think as I drove through Iowa. People make a lot of jokes at the state’s expense but I actually love it. I lived in Grinnell for five years and have many fond memories and – thankfully – none of them involve detassling corn. Driving through farmland and seeing the deep green of the cornfields broken only by the occasional red barn or grey silo does my heart good.
But, every time I see the welcome sign that reads “The People of Iowa Welcome You” with the motto “Iowa: Fields of Opportunity” beneath it, I laugh. Out loud. It’s such an ambitious sentiment.
In those quiet highway hours, I began to think of other possible mottos and
now…I will make jokes at the state’s expense.
Here are some possibilities…
Iowa: Life is always greener on the other side. Really. It’s just all green here.
Iowa: All the windmills, none of those awful wooden shoes
Iowa: It’s going to take longer to get through here than you think.
Iowa: We love gays! We just keep them in Iowa City.
Iowa: If a meteor hits, the popcorn is on us!
Iowa: You ain’t seen nothing yet! There’s more nothing just around the bend!
Iowa: A Skunk River runs through it.
Iowa: We have big buttes and we cannot lie. Wait – that’s Montana. Never mind.