Up Popped A Fox

Sometimes, girls like to wear ties. Sometimes, they where them in unusual ways.

Your eyes are not deceiving you – Zeca threaded her tie through her belt loops. She looks quite proud of herself doesn’t she?

Have a nice weekend and you should all tie one on in Z’s honor!

Miguel (l) and Augie (r) 2001

They are goofy. They laugh loudly and without apology. They argue and then forgive. They play games and make their own rules. They are bossy. They get into trouble. They protect each other. They keep secrets. They try to hold grudges but can’t. One loves sports and one doesn’t. One can spend hours reading and one won’t. One is an extrovert and one is not. They navigate moods and difference. They complement each other in so many ways.

Their friendship is amazing but I will admit that I always assumed that it was as simple as what could be observed. Recently, I discovered that I was wrong - they talk about things that are hard and seek comfort in each other. It shouldn’t have surprised me  – they’ve known each other a long time and know each other in ways that only old friends can. Still, I was surprised and was reminded of the gifts of friendship. I’m thinking of them both right now as they fish and swim and throw personal hygiene out the window while at Camp Warren. Sometimes when you are 9, life is one big burp joke and sometimes it is that and more.

In the bottom left corner, Augie (l) and Miguel (r) 2010

I was up until 3 in the morning writing that post on “The Kids Are All Right” which apparently took all of my thoughts and words because I couldn’t think of anything else to write about for the rest of the week. I will say that I did enjoy my sleep deprived mania on Monday though I have mild regrets about calling Deborah from Peaches and Coconuts on the actual telephone and babbling uncontrollably for 1 hour and 12 minutes.  We (more accurately, “I”) talked so long that the crick of my arm (Do I need to define “crick”? You know, the part on the other side of the elbow) was sweaty and the phone (my Blackberry which is weird to have a long conversation on anyway) was stuck to my ear (the left one if you must know) with sweat as well (how many parenthetical statements can we have in a sentence? Clearly, many). We were plotting a lesbian takeover of the internet which required me to talk about how I think our house smells like feet. Um, yeah – that’s relevant. Deborah was patient and kind – she’s a great person to call when you are tired/drunk/high/crazy. Anyway, it’s been a weird week. I’ve been trying to catch up on sleep. I guess I can’t stay up until the wee hours anymore without  paying the price later because I am an old woman (named after my mother/my old man is another/child that’s grown old – line from which song? Anyone? And, by the way, yay for parentheses!).

So, today I have no words but I do have a picture – it’s me in my county issued bedbug kit!

“Hi! It’s me…your friendly county social worker. Can I come in and talk to you for a bit?”

The only thing this outfit is missing is a tin foil hat.

For those of you who haven’t heard of this film, you can read a synopsis of the plot here. This post contains mild spoilers so if you plan to see the movie and don’t want to know anything about what happens, stop reading now and just look at the pretty, pretty picture of Annette Bening and Julianne Moore. 

Cinematic history is full of fairy tales. They are comforting.  They allow us to believe that problems are caused by villains and and that adversity can be overcome with the wave of a wand or the arrival of someone to save us. Fairy tales relieve us of responsibility and promise that happiness lasts forever.

 The Kids Are All Right is many things - funny, heartbreaking,  refreshing – but it is certainly no fairy tale.

This movie is one of the most honest depictions of family and relationships I have ever seen. The interactions between Nic, Jules and the kids are authentic. The dialogue is nearly perfect and the characters speak in ways that are familiar. When they give monologues, there are pauses and tangents and awkwardness.  There are memorable speeches to be sure but they come off as natural, rather than perfectly constructed soliloquies. The conversations are snappy and often hilarious. I would pay good money to see it again just to watch Nic go off about heirloom tomatoes.

Nic and Jules are the heart of this story and Annette Bening and Julianne Moore make these flawed characters both believable and lovable. They make mistakes and snap judgements. They do things that make us cringe. They hurt each other. They infuriate and embarrass their kids. They struggle with change. They expect too much and give too little. They are imperfect and it is precisely that imperfection that makes the movie so real.

Much has been written about the fact that Jules cheats on Nic with a man. Many lesbians are outraged that Lisa Cholodenko used this worn out cliché and I had reservations about it too. However, it makes sense in the greater context of the film and, if it helps, think of Paul simply as a plot device. Nic and Jules have been together for years and we can see how much they love each other. There is nothing to suggest that Jules has ever been conflicted about her life with Nic and she is clear that she is “gay”. Because of this, Paul is not a threat to their relationship. The affair reveals the true threat – that Nic and Jules have neglected their relationship and each other for far too long. Do I wish that Nic and Jules had had at least one hot sex scene together? Absolutely. Do I wish that there had been less heterosexual sex? You betcha. But Lisa Cholodenko shouldn’t have to bear the burden of creating the perfect lesbian movie any more than Nic should bear the burden of presenting a perfect lesbian family to the world. This movie is about love and relationships and the relationship the audience cares most about is the one between Nic and Jules. That was clear to me when the movie ended and the audience broke into applause.

Towards the end of the movie, Jules says,

…marriage is hard. It’s really fucking hard. It’s just two people slogging through the shit, year after year, getting older, changing – it’s a fucking marathon, OK?

This is the absolute truth - I know because I have lived it for 17 years. In day to day life, there are few villains and no guarantees of ”happily ever after”. Love is complicated. We love. We make mistakes and we start again. Happiness is not a constant – it comes and goes. Fairy tales tell us that life could be better, that there is perfection in the intangible.  “The Kids Are All Right” shows that there is immeasurable beauty in the mess of life and reminds us to appreciate what we have. Not bad for the price of a movie ticket.