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Return to Oak Lake

We spent the past weekend at Oak Lake with some of our closest friends. I took this picture Saturday morning as I stood in the living room and looked out at the lake. Pictures can tell a story but, as beautiful as this picture is, it doesn’t tell the whole story.

There were 10 adults, 7 children and 3 dogs.

There were Scrabble games.

Some worked on a jigsaw puzzle late into the night.

There were movies – a new generation hooked on Indiana Jones.

There were kids and adults working together to drill into the ice for fishing.

People ice skated.

There were walks in the woods on the island across the lake, the woods barely visible in this picture.

The grown-ups built a fort out of downed trees while the kids wandered freely out of sight.

There were incredible meals and good wine and beer.

The kids’ iPods played a loop of “Telephone”, “5 o’clock in the Morning”, “Price Tag” and “Dynamite”.

Seventeen people is a lot of people. One of the most surprising things I experienced this past weekend was calm. There were many moments that required absolutely nothing of any of us. I know that the kids are growing up but this was one of those times that I felt it.

Honesty Is Such a Lonely Word

Honesty is the best policy. I truly believe that. I am like Honest Abe Lincoln who, when confronted about chopping down the cherry tree, shouted “Give me liberty or give me death and I’m really sorry about the tree but Babe the Blue Ox told me to do it!”

Growing up, I may have kept things from my mother but I only really lied to her once.

I was 17 and wanted to go to this party that didn’t start until 10 p.m. I was certain she would never let me go. I called my sister and told her my dilemma and she advised me to tell mom the truth because “Mom always finds out”. I knew she was right so I told her that I would be honest with mom about the party.

My mom got home from work and, despite my intention to be honest, said, “Can I go to a midnight show at the mall with Lisa?” She said yes and I was elated. I left around 8 to go out to dinner before going to the “movie” and, while I was gone, my sister called and asked my mom if she had let me go to the party. My mom said, “What party?” and my fate was sealed.

I came home around 2:30 a.m. and everyone was asleep and I was thrilled that I had not been caught in my lie. I woke up late the next morning and there was a note on the kitchen table that said simply, “Call me at work”. I called and my mom said very calmly, “I know you lied to me last night.” I started to explain and she stopped me, “I don’t want an explanation. I just want to tell you that you are grounded and, since I’m going to the cabin this weekend, you’ll be going to your father’s house and I have already informed him that you are not allowed to go out while there. I will talk to you on Monday.”

And then she hung up.

I dutifully packed my bags and went to my father’s as instructed and I spent the weekend pouting.

I never lied to my mother again.

Given that I was, for the most part, an angel all through my childhood and adolescence I think the universe owes me. I should have been given the world’s most honest children. However, my children are sneaky little rats.

Over winter break, Miguel was heading to his room with his hands clenched in front of him and I yelled, “STOP RIGHT THERE!” He turned to me and said, “What?” I said, “What do you have in your hands?” He opened his hands and they were empty. He said, “What did you think I had?” I told him I thought he was smuggling candy to his room. He said, “Mom, if I wanted to sneak candy to my room, I would do it. When I was 8, I used to sneak candy to my room in my nut cup and you never figured it out.”

That’s right – my son admitted to smuggling candy in his jock strap. Not only is he a liar but he’s gross.

The Pursuit of Everything

Is it too much to demand

I want a full house and a rock and roll band

Pens that won’t run out of ink

And cool quiet and time to think

- from “Passionate Kisses” by Lucinda Williams

I want a meaningful career. I want financial security. I want to be a good mother. I want to have a strong relationship with my partner. I want to write and tell stories that make people feel something. I want to be surrounded by the love of friends and family, to laugh loudly in good company, releasing the kind of laughter that fights its way up from the deepest part of the soul.

So, I work and I reach out and I love and I write and I cry and I sing and I think and I laugh loudly. But there are moments when it all seems to be too much and I become still. This is not a peaceful stillness but one born of an overwhelming sense that maybe,  just maybe, I want too much.

Can we really have it all? I honestly don’t know but I can’t be the only one wondering. I look around and I see so many of us trying so hard in the pursuit of everything. We are moving so fast.

Most of us are simply looking for happiness in the myriad ways that it can be defined.

I have to remember that want and need are easily confused as I often remind my kids. So, sometimes, I need to focus less on what I want and more on what I need. I want much but I need very little.

I need to breathe and look at all that I have.

I need to be patient.

I need cool quiet and time to think.

Here Kitty Kitty

Pillow the Gerbil is not long for this world. How do I know this? Well, I have observed a few things about our furry little friend:

  • She looks puffy. Not fluffy, puffy. Not “she’s put on a little weight” puffy but “she looks swollen” puffy.
  • She is not as active or active at all really.
  • She looks old and haggard. Yes, this is subjective but I’m telling you – she looks world-weary.
  • She smells more. You know how really old people have a particular smell? It would appear the same is true for gerbils though it’s not like Kleenex and weird unguents and more like extra rodent pee.

It’s also a known fact that the lifespan of a gerbil is 3 to 5 years with 5 years being crazy old, like 500 in gerbil years. By our calculations, Pillow is close to 4 years old.

Add all of this together and the writing is on the cage walls in strong gerbil urine -Pillow is going to die.

We began preparing the children for this eventuality shortly after our return from Portugal. They too noticed the changes in Pillow’s behavior and appearance and so they began to talk about and accept it.

Then, we started talking about future pets and the kids wanted to know if they could get another pet. I had originally planned to get two more gerbils but Miguel said, “No offense to Pillow but I’d really like a pet I can cuddle.” So, we began to talk about getting a guinea pig. I gotta tell you – I’m not a fan. They are large rodents with more pee and they have that weird hair that looks like it’s been blown dry by an inattentive stylist. Fur every which way! Luisa was adamantly opposed to a guinea pig and said, “I’d rather get a cat than a guinea pig!”

We haven’t had a cat for several years and we have both enjoyed our cat-free lives. Plus, Luisa is allergic to cats. So, two things happened when she said she’d rather get a cat:

  1. I understood how much she hated guinea pigs.
  2. I knew that we were going to get a cat.

We started talking tentatively about getting a kitten but made no promises to the children. I figured that we would start looking in the spring when kittens are as plentiful as tulips.

Then, one night, our friend Sara called and said, “I have this kitten that needs a home…” The next day, Luisa suggested I visit the kitten and I did and the kitten was cute but had medium length hair so I told Sara that we couldn’t take it because it would be worse for Luisa’s allergies. I drove home and Luisa texted me and said, “Did you visit the kitten? Do you have a picture?” I did have a picture and sent it to her. She texted back, “Maybe we should get it.”

Luisa and the kids arrived home and we told them about the kitten and Luisa suggested we all go visit the kitten. I knew right then that we were getting the kitten. And we did.

Isn’t she adorable? What? You can’t tell from that picture? Well, welcome to my new life as kitten owner. This life is filled with a lot of movement and scratches on my legs and tugs on the lap top cord when I’m trying to write and nibbles on my toes as I try to have coffee in the morning.

But, I must admit our lives are now filled with a lot of cuteness and kitten cuddles and purring.

 

The kids now have a pet they can cuddle.

Welcome to the family Momo.