Yesterday was our first wedding anniversary and we celebrated via text because Luisa is currently in South Africa and I am here at home:
Vikki: Happy wedding anniversary!
Luisa: Isn’t it tomorrow, the 27th?
Vikki: No. Today.
Luisa: Or was it the 26th?
Vikki: Today, the 26th.
Luisa: Well, happy anniversary to you too.
A couple of weeks ago, I mentioned our upcoming anniversary and she said, “We’re not going to celebrate that one though.” It was a statement not a question and I agreed that a celebration wasn’t necessary but that the anniversary was noteworthy. We then engaged in a little game of Rank the Anniversary by Importance though our lists differ. We agree on the number one spot because we both want credit for all our years together (21 years on April 17, 2015) but we are split on the second spot. For me, the legal wedding takes that spot but for her, our commitment ceremony that took place in 2000 gets it. There is, of course, no right or wrong answer but I was surprised that the legal recognition of our relationship was at the bottom of her list.
In a way, it’s fitting that we have different views on this because I concluded last year that the wedding meant everything and nothing at all.
Regardless, I look back at our wedding–a word that I am only becoming comfortable using as time passes–as a great time. I still can’t completely articulate what it meant to me so it shouldn’t surprise me that Luisa’s feelings about it are equally complex. Our kids’ view of that day is clear–their parents got married. For them, it remains an iconic moment in our lives and one that should be celebrated. Or they simply want cake. As they listened to us rank our anniversaries, we had to explain that the wedding was important but it was only one of all the moments that have made our lives together what they are.
We can mark our family life by the big ones…
April 17, 1993 (the date our relationship began)
October 7, 2000 (the date of our commitment ceremony)
July 4, 2001 (the birth of our first child)
March 4, 2005 (the birth of our second child)
October 26, 2013 (the date of our legally recognized marriage)
Each date is like a foothold in the climb. The next milestone will be our 25th anniversary and maybe after that it will be Vikki’s First Hip Replacement. I don’t know what lies ahead but I plan to keep on taking note and celebrating the passage of time, even if it’s simply texts with emoticons: a heart (mine) and two beer mugs clinking (hers).
Happy belated third ranked anniversary Luisa! I’d do it all over again if I could. Actually, can we? I do so love a good party.