No on 8
Eight years ago this month, Luisa and I stood before our family and friends and promised to love each other. We renewed our commitment to each other and vowed to stand together in the face of challenges like snoring, blanket-hogging and the fact that one of us drinks milk and then puts the glass in the sink without rinsing it which leads to a dried milk circle in the bottom that is damn near impossible to get out and is just plain annoying. We didn’t need a piece of paper to validate our relationship. Our friends and family recognized our relationship and that was enough in that moment. But something else happened that day, our first child was conceived. Before we donned our lesbian finery and walked down that aisle, Luisa and I paid a visit to our reproductive clinic for a quick insemination. It stuck and, nine months later, Miguel was born. This is where it gets a little tricky, that whole legal recognition thing. You see, Miguel came into this world with only one legally recognized parent – me. Despite the fact that Luisa and I planned the pregnancy together…despite the fact that she had to endure the Clomid-induced mood swings…despite the fact that she held my hand when he was conceived and went to every pre-natal appointment…despite the fact that she held me during 14 hours of labor and cut the cord when he was born, she had absolutely no legal relationship to her child. Had we been legally married on that chilly October day, her rights would have been guaranteed…just like the two parents in a heterosexual marriage who conceive using donor sperm. We are fortunate that we live in a state that grants second-parent adoption and, three months and a couple of thousand dollars later, Luisa was able to adopt her own child.
When same-sex marriage became legal in California, I talked about it with Miguel who wanted Luisa and I to fly out there and get hitched. I told him that we would wait for it to become legal in Minnesota. He gasped and said, “Mama, what if it never happens here?!” I told him what I believe…it will and it will happen in my lifetime. Love makes a family but I look forward to the day when all families are legally protected. Plus, if anything happens to Luisa (god forbid), I’d like to get her pension. She’s a public servant so, you know, I could buy a small latté each month with all that loot! In order for that to happen, however, we have to support the right to marry wherever it is under fire…even if it is not the fight we want to have right now. The fact is that our relationships matter. Our families matter. Legal recognition matters and what happens in California matters.
So, what can you do?
- Donate money to No on 8
- Pass this story around to everyone you know and ask them to donate
- Speak out
- Hug a queer today…just because we are so darn adorable!
- Visit these other bloggers who talk about the issue with much more eloquence and/or humor:
My readership is small but mighty and I think we could raise some money for the cause! If you donate from this day forward, send me an e-mail at vikki@uppoppedafox.com and let me know. I’ll take your word for it because the honor system rocks…and I’m lazy and am not going to take the time to set up a donation dealy on here…and, oh, lying about donating to a good cause will guarantee you a special place in hell where you will have to watch reruns of Hee Haw for all eternity. If you donate, I will enter you in the first ever Up Popped A Fox Giveaway! That’s right, when the election is over, I will draw a name randomly and the winner will receive a copy of Sarah Vowell’s new book The Wordy Shipmates. That’s right…fight for same-sex marriage and get a book about Puritans. What’s not to love about Queers and Puritans?!
Posted: October 21st, 2008 under Uncategorized.
Comments
Comment from Vikki
Time October 21, 2008 at 3:20 pm
That’s the spirit Kristin! Oh but you’re sick so what are you really trying to do?! I’ll take a rain check on that hug 
Comment from Missy
Time October 21, 2008 at 8:44 pm
“the fact that one of us drinks milk and then puts the glass in the sink without rinsing it which leads to a dried milk circle in the bottom that is damn near impossible to get out and is just plain annoying.”
I had to stop here because I JUST explained this very thing to my partner. I have high hopes, but expect, with love, to write the same thing in 7 years!
Comment from Missy
Time October 21, 2008 at 8:48 pm
I am now passing this on and on and on!
Comment from Vikki
Time October 22, 2008 at 6:58 am
The LookyDaddy link is now fixed…for those of you who were trying to get there from here.
Comment from Shelly
Time October 22, 2008 at 9:09 am
I’m glad this post went where it did, because in the beginning, I was all excited, perhaps too excited, about the milk glasses thing. Just for a minute. Not that I know anybody who does that…
I find it rather telling that both of my state sanctioned “legal” heterosexual marriages, combined, did not last as long as your relationship, or that of my best friend, who will be celebrating 15 years with her honey in January of 2009. A lot of us take it for granted, and therefore, do a half-ass job at it…I have declared my personal vow to “never do THAT again”. Not sure if it will help.
I hope that we don’t have to talk about this issue for much longer. To give you an idea (not that you don’t already know) of the rampant stupidity holding back your rights, let me share a conversation I had with a Freaky Republican friend of mine, just the other day…he said that he didn’t have a problem with gay people getting married but didn’t want it to be legal because “the next thing you know, some farmer would want to marry his goat, and we’d have to make that legal, too.”
I wasn’t sure if he was comparing lesbians to goats or if he figured that we humans were entirely too retarded to stop the slippery slope at “human” marriage partners. No matter–both notions were unbelievably insulting.
Of course, since he and others like him are “grown-ups”, they don’t think they need an education–how wrong they are! I’m surprised this guy can tie his own shoes. You would think that it would be quite a trick to stuff information into the brain of a pig-headed moron, but I guess since he learned how to tie a bow, he might be trainable regarding other things….here’s hoping.
Oh, just FYI, my Freaky Friend is on Hetero Marriage Number 3.
I admire your faith that one day, same-sex marriage WILL be legal here in Minnesota. I have the same faith, and I have it for this entire country.
Thanks for talking about other stuff besides milk rings, and Happy Anniversary!
Comment from Dingo English
Time October 23, 2008 at 5:53 am
Wait, my brain is still stuck at “lesbian finery.”
Comment from Jennie Robinson
Time October 23, 2008 at 9:25 am
Thanks for the reminder Vikki – I did donate – thanks for the inspiration. Are you the one with the Milk Glass? I remember Luisa being a tidy roommate and the one who always washed her dishes.
Comment from Vikki
Time October 23, 2008 at 9:51 am
Geez Jennie! Did you have to out me?! Yes…I leave the milk glass in the sink unrinsed. Or, at least I used to until earlier this week. ha ha.
Pingback from Up Popped A Fox » Style
Time October 23, 2008 at 10:21 am
[...] No on 8 [...]
Pingback from Breed ‘Em And Weep » Sing it, sister. I’m listening.
Time October 23, 2008 at 10:30 am
[...] Because Vikki says it better than I can. Thank you, Vikki. [...]
Comment from Jenn Mattern
Time October 23, 2008 at 10:33 am
I will hug all lesbians and suspected lesbians (including my dog) and gays and anybody else who comes my way today. Because, baby, you said it. It’s about love, and that’s that.
Comment from heels
Time October 23, 2008 at 10:47 am
I’ve already voted No on 8. My Brother-in-law had his gender legally changed so that he and my sister could marry, but he shouldn’t have had to. Why is their love and commitment any different when he’s legally a “man” as opposed to a “woman”? They’re the same people; it’s the same relationship. I say MORE MARRIAGES OF LOVE!
Comment from DMahoney
Time October 23, 2008 at 11:03 am
Thank you for writing so articulately. I will pass this on…
What a hoot.
Comment from Schriftstellar
Time October 23, 2008 at 7:18 pm
I just want to shout that from the rooftops: “OUR RELATIONSHIPS MATTER. OUR FAMILIES MATTER.” They do, and the amount of support I’ve seen this week both in my life and on the internet has me feeling very optimistic about the future of equal marriage rights.
Comment from Trish
Time October 23, 2008 at 8:02 pm
You know what else I love? (Other than, of course, your writing, Jen Mattern’s blog and blended, smushy, boundary- breaking families?)
CANADA!
I have great hope for all States in the US, but damn, I love my liberal country. Where gay marriage is legal. Everywhere.
Comment from patois
Time October 24, 2008 at 11:48 am
Not only will I give money, but I will, of course, give my vote to defeat the assholes who try evil ways to pass this sham of a proposition. I am a California resident; I am sane; and I vote.
Comment from Anthony
Time October 24, 2008 at 12:02 pm
It’s an interesting time here in the Golden State. The polls on Prop 8 are not very helpful because they offer different numbers. Some polls have No on 8 ahead by 8, and other polls have us down by 4. It’s hard to know where we stand. As you might expect, the tactics and strategies employed by the Yes on 8 forces are ugly and misleading. The ads spew the same old crap about how “GAY MARRIAGE WILL BE TAUGHT IN SCHOOLS!” and “CHURCHES WILL HAVE TO PERFORM GAY WEDDINGS!” Oh, no. What a tragedy that would be.
This is a valuable post, Vikki. Thanks for writing about it. While it may be a California ballot initiative, Prop 8 has far-reaching implications, as you pointed out. If the Mormons can mobilize funds from outside the state to pass Yes on 8, hopefully we, too, can bring money in from all parts of the country to prevent Prop 8 from passing.
Comment from Elizabeth Gallo
Time October 24, 2008 at 2:03 pm
I’m lucky to live in Maplewood, NJ, where it isn’t uncommon to find a gay couple with one or more kids. It was important to my husband and me to grow up in a place where all kinds of families were welcome and a vital part of the community. Now we just need to make it like that in more places around this country!
Comment from Kim, DoulaMomma
Time October 24, 2008 at 4:33 pm
Hi,
Thanks for your comment – I totally meant to send you a notice that I was linking to you…sorry ’bout that.
best,
Kim
Comment from Polly
Time October 24, 2008 at 11:47 pm
Thank you thank you, sister Vikki!
I can’t tell you how much it matters to feel like this is a national battle. Because it really feels like it is. We win here, and it is DOWNHILL ALL THE WAY, BABY. Really. We’ll have figured out how to beat it; they’ll wonder why they should spend so g_ddamned much money simply to alienate members of their own church and the community at large.
Plus, the $$ that is flowing into the Yes on 8 coffers is DEFINITELY national in origin. Wanna hear something flooring? The LDS Church has contributed now fully 77% of the $$ for the Yes on 8 battle. Guess what percentage Mormons make of the CA population? TWO PERCENT. So either that two percent is friggin’ richer than Croesus, or their money is coming from all over.
(Andrew Sullivan even picked up on it yesterday: http://andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com/the_daily_dish/2008/10/the-mormon-fact.html)
It is so close, and we can actually win this and turn the tide. But only if everyone who cares does something, ANYTHING. Like donate the price of that pension-funded latté, right here: https://secure.actblue.com/contribute/page/lesbiandad?refcode=therometer
Would that a marriage license would take care of the milk ring thing. But I can tell you, it would do a whole helluva lot for both you and Luisa’s sense of security for Migel and Zeca.
Comment from lula
Time October 25, 2008 at 12:08 pm
For out of staters, or out of the country people, you can donate by sending it to someone you know in the US. Like Vikki for example. PayPal is an option.
Go for No on Prop 8!
Comment from LizRM
Time October 26, 2008 at 1:11 am
I’m one of your California readers and while we don’t have any money (my husband and I have been out of work for a while – - GO OBAMA!) I’ll be working the polling sites on the 4th for my local No on 8 chapter.
They are saying that a full 10% of sympathetic voters think they are supposed to vote YES and the Mormon funded opposition is exploiting that and trying to cause even more confusion.
What’s so revolutionary or scary about civil rights being for everybody?
I’ll be thinking about you and your family along with our other same sex family friends as I harangue voters next Tuesday.
Thanks for putting the case so eloquently.
Comment from Stacey
Time October 28, 2008 at 4:26 pm
Hey, even though I live in the midwest, I linked to your blog post. Well said, thanks for posting.
Stacey
Pingback from Up Popped A Fox » No on 8 – The Sequel
Time October 28, 2008 at 9:04 pm
[...] No on 8 [...]
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Time February 9, 2009 at 4:51 pm
[...] out there blogging for Freedom to Marry Week. You can also check out my previous posts on the issue here and [...]
Comment from Kristin
Time October 21, 2008 at 2:57 pm
Not only will I hug a queer (I am a straight person using Queer – Ok? Ok). I will hug TEN LESBIANS. By 8pm tonight.