Up Popped A Fox

There are a million things I should be doing right now. Well, not really a million. I do tend towards the hyperbolic. I guess I really mean that there are about 12 things that I should be doing right now. Some of them are work related, some of them are personal. Blogging fits into neither category. I guess it fits into personal but it doesn’t fall under the umbrella of things I should be doing. It’s not like I get paid for blogging. I sure do wish that I got paid for blogging and then I could sit around all day and drink coffee (decaf, of course, because I would be drinking it all day long), talk on the phone with my friends and listen to music. That is the life for me. I was not cut out to hold a full-time job. I should have been born into royalty. I could see myself with pet charities and white gloves and a cute little pillbox hat. O.k., not really the pillbox hat and gloves but I could do charity work, especially if it didn’t interfere with the coffee drinking, blogging, chatting and music. Unfortunately, I was not born into a royal family. It’s probably a good thing because of the wardrobe issues I would face and then there is all that fox and hound hunting business and drinking all that tea. Wait, they don’t hunt hounds – they hunt the foxes which makes me sad because foxes are cute and, well, foxy. And the tea thing is not something that I really get. English people and lesbians seem to be the largest consumers of tea in the world. A lot of my non-English lesbian friends drink hot tea. I don’t like tea but I am a lesbian. I obtained a waiver from the National Office of Lesbian Affairs to accomodate this.  I have tried really hard to like tea and, when I saw some friends put cream and sugar in their tea, I thought I had found the answer to my tea woes. The thing about putting milk or cream in your tea is that you then have a cup of tepid, watery milk. If I wanted that, I could leave a glass of skim milk out on the counter and drink it later in the day. So, I gave up trying to like tea.

Thinking of tea made me think of things I hate which made me think of the people at work who warm up leftover fish in the microwave. I hate the smell of fish in the microwave and then, for just a few minutes, I kinda hate the fish-eating co-workers themselves. My feelings of animosity towards my co-workers passes much more quickly than the smell of the fish in the microwave, however. Did I mention that I sit right next to the microwave? Well, I do and after a Fish Incident I smell like I just pulled a double shift at Long John Silvers. That is unpleasant. I also don’t like the smell of microwave popcorn since we are on the topic of the work microwave. The smell of that fake butter is just so, um, fake. It smells like butter might smell on a scratch and sniff card. I never smell it and picture farm fresh dairy products. No, it’s more like someone melted those awful popcorn flavored Jelly Belly’s all over a bowl or popcorn. At least no one cooks fish with the butter from the microwave popcorn.

At this very moment, I am multi-tasking. I am talking to a friend on the phone and she is cancelling our dinner plans for tomorrow. By “cancelling”, I really mean that she is blowing me off because she got a better offer. She is going to a cabin. I can’t understand why she would give up leftovers at my house when she could go to a cabin on a beautiful lake where she’ll will be pampered and fed for three days. Whatever. She wants a rain check which is just not going to happen. Who am I kidding? She is coming over next weekend. I’m a big talker. Despite my incredible generosity, she dared to say that I am a pain in her ass…just because I told her I was live bloggin’ our conversation. Really, I think she is just bitter because she is known in these parts as The Mistress of the Flans.

Well, it’s time for me to go now. Those 12 things I have to do are still there and the pressure is on. The kids wouldn’t understand if I didn’t show up to pick them up. Their prickly that way. So, I hope you liked this second installment of my stream of consciousness writing. I hate to remind you but some of you did ask for it.