Hobbies
I used to have a lot of hobbies…reading, playing guitar and writing songs to name a few. Since my children were born, however, I’ve had to reduce the number of hobbies due to time constraints. Now, I really only have one: worrying about my children. While not a very relaxing hobby, it is a wonderful way for me to express my creativity. I can observe one of my children doing something, interpret it in the worst possible way, take it two or three additional steps and then conclude with…”and that’s how they’ll end up in prison”. I can do this with absolutely anything. It’s a gift, really.
Clearly, this is not a healthy hobby and I have decided to pursue other interests. I hear scrapbooking is lovely. Perhaps I’ll begin to collect miniature horses. The world is my hobby-oyster. Before I make the change, though, let’s play a game and have a little fun with my neuroses. You give me an example of something you would observe a child doing and I will spin it into something worrisome – right before your very eyes! You will get to see my very special Super Power unleashed!
Posted: August 1st, 2007 under Uncategorized.
Comments
Comment from Vikki
Time August 1, 2007 at 11:38 am
Too easy…kid sneaks candy out of a candy dish, kid will eventually shop lift which will lead to time in juvy where kid will get inked with poorly done tattoos and will learn more antisocial behavior, will become an adult and be convicted of armed robbery AND THAT”S HOW THEY’LL END UP IN PRISON.
Comment from Chris
Time August 1, 2007 at 12:52 pm
Well, here’s what I’m dealing with this week:
Kid pretends to be a Transformer, then a Dementor, then a Jedi, all in the span of about 8 seconds while expecting me to keep up and respond accordingly to each character.
Comment from Vikki
Time August 1, 2007 at 1:29 pm
MIguel has been drawing mazes and putting teeny tiny dementors in them that suck out your soul when you get to a dead end. Of all of the things to take away from Harry Potter…
Comment from sarah g
Time August 1, 2007 at 1:58 pm
how about “a bunch of kids go to the MOA for a birthday party…” what happens? don’t worry! you’ve got great kids and an endless amount of support around you. when i was a teenager, “that’s how they’ll end up in prison” was really only a 2 step game. ha! well not really, but you know..
Comment from Amy
Time August 1, 2007 at 2:01 pm
Here is something I observe and it currently is driving me crazy: Baby sitting in highchair takes drink of milk from sippy cup, throws cup on newly washed floor, cries and yells “mell mell” for return of cup, cup is returned and promptly thrown on floor again. Sequence is repeated too many times to count. I look forward to your insight.
Comment from Vikki
Time August 1, 2007 at 2:44 pm
Sarah…I actually have already worked out the MOA bday party one based on actual events:
Son discusses bodily functions and private body parts throughout the van ride to mall. The other boys say little but laugh uproariously and say, “Miguel is SO hilarious!” This means he will be a class clown and, as a result, join a fraternity in college. He will drink himself into oblivion and do something stupid with a drunk girl and end up a sex offender AND IN PRISON.
Comment from Vikki
Time August 1, 2007 at 2:51 pm
Oooo…Amy has thrown down the sippy cup gauntlet. Let me think for a moment…
Amy…I am so sorry. The news is bad, very bad indeed.
Baby throws sippy cup on floor repeatedly but cries for it to be returned. This pattern of aggression towards things continues when the child is older – child begins to throw rocks through windows but cries when confronted and promises never to do it again. Grows older still and begins to aggress towards people but is always apologetic afterwards. Cycle of domestic abuse, my friend. That’s how HE’LL END UP IN PRISON.
I hope you know that I am kidding. If you were me, you wouldn’t think I was kidding but I am 
Comment from Kristin
Time August 2, 2007 at 8:36 am
Ok I will give this a shot.
Children are playing “shark” on the living room furniture. They have to move from couch to chair and not touch the carpeting because then they will be eaten by sharks.
Comment from Vikki
Time August 2, 2007 at 9:02 am
Children play shark in the living room. This play continues as they grow older and they cease to be able to distinguish between that which is real and that which is imagined. In their early 20′s, they completely lose touch with reality and suffer a psychotic break. Convinced that the ice cream man is actually a CIA operative trying to gather information on them, they storm his truck, kill him and stuff him in the freezer…and that’s how THEY END UP IN PRISON.
Comment from Colleen Jensen
Time August 2, 2007 at 10:47 am
Your child’s neighborhood friend sneaks out of her home to come and play with your child, all the while neighborhood friend’s mom does not know where the heck she is. Give this one a go my friend…
Comment from Vikki
Time August 2, 2007 at 12:35 pm
Child sneaks out of home unnoticed. During the teen years, girl sneaks out of house to be with boyfriend. Gets pregnant. Neither girl nor boyfriend can afford to care for child. They hold up the cashier at a Kum – N – Go so that they can steal diapers and Evian bottled water. Both are aressted but the boyfriend claims to have never known the girl and was in the wrong place at the wrong time. She takes the fall and that’s how SHE ENDS UP IN PRISON.
Pingback from Up Popped A Fox » Thoughts on Parenting
Time February 24, 2010 at 10:31 am
[...] imagined my children with video game addictions, stealing my Social Security checks and eventually ending up in prison. Do I really believe these things? No, of course not - I am simply working through my fear. I get [...]
Comment from Missy
Time August 1, 2007 at 11:26 am
Hmmmm, how about sneaking candy out of a candy dish without asking…