The Kids Are All Right
For those of you who haven’t heard of this film, you can read a synopsis of the plot here. This post contains mild spoilers so if you plan to see the movie and don’t want to know anything about what happens, stop reading now and just look at the pretty, pretty picture of Annette Bening and Julianne Moore.
Cinematic history is full of fairy tales. They are comforting. They allow us to believe that problems are caused by villains and and that adversity can be overcome with the wave of a wand or the arrival of someone to save us. Fairy tales relieve us of responsibility and promise that happiness lasts forever.
The Kids Are All Right is many things - funny, heartbreaking, refreshing – but it is certainly no fairy tale.
This movie is one of the most honest depictions of family and relationships I have ever seen. The interactions between Nic, Jules and the kids are authentic. The dialogue is nearly perfect and the characters speak in ways that are familiar. When they give monologues, there are pauses and tangents and awkwardness. There are memorable speeches to be sure but they come off as natural, rather than perfectly constructed soliloquies. The conversations are snappy and often hilarious. I would pay good money to see it again just to watch Nic go off about heirloom tomatoes.
Nic and Jules are the heart of this story and Annette Bening and Julianne Moore make these flawed characters both believable and lovable. They make mistakes and snap judgements. They do things that make us cringe. They hurt each other. They infuriate and embarrass their kids. They struggle with change. They expect too much and give too little. They are imperfect and it is precisely that imperfection that makes the movie so real.
Much has been written about the fact that Jules cheats on Nic with a man. Many lesbians are outraged that Lisa Cholodenko used this worn out cliché and I had reservations about it too. However, it makes sense in the greater context of the film and, if it helps, think of Paul simply as a plot device. Nic and Jules have been together for years and we can see how much they love each other. There is nothing to suggest that Jules has ever been conflicted about her life with Nic and she is clear that she is “gay”. Because of this, Paul is not a threat to their relationship. The affair reveals the true threat – that Nic and Jules have neglected their relationship and each other for far too long. Do I wish that Nic and Jules had had at least one hot sex scene together? Absolutely. Do I wish that there had been less heterosexual sex? You betcha. But Lisa Cholodenko shouldn’t have to bear the burden of creating the perfect lesbian movie any more than Nic should bear the burden of presenting a perfect lesbian family to the world. This movie is about love and relationships and the relationship the audience cares most about is the one between Nic and Jules. That was clear to me when the movie ended and the audience broke into applause.
Towards the end of the movie, Jules says,
…marriage is hard. It’s really fucking hard. It’s just two people slogging through the shit, year after year, getting older, changing – it’s a fucking marathon, OK?
This is the absolute truth - I know because I have lived it for 17 years. In day to day life, there are few villains and no guarantees of ”happily ever after”. Love is complicated. We love. We make mistakes and we start again. Happiness is not a constant – it comes and goes. Fairy tales tell us that life could be better, that there is perfection in the intangible. “The Kids Are All Right” shows that there is immeasurable beauty in the mess of life and reminds us to appreciate what we have. Not bad for the price of a movie ticket.
Posted: July 19th, 2010 under Uncategorized.
Comments
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Time July 19, 2010 at 7:32 am
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Vikki , lucretia. lucretia said: Great review ! Ta mucho. RT @uppoppedafox My thoughts on The Kids Are All Right. Finally. http://uppoppedafox.com/?p=2154 [...]
Comment from Blazer
Time July 19, 2010 at 7:53 am
If Lisa Cholodenko had written and produced the perfect lesbian fairytale who do we think the audience would be? I haven’t seen the movie, yet, but I love the way it is being advertised as a film about the challenges of the modern family, not a lesbian family. I can’t wait to see it and think I just might haul my my mother, sister and niece along with me. Thanks for the review.
Comment from Vikki
Time July 19, 2010 at 7:56 am
I could have written PAGES about it. There is so much that we could talk about. Y’all should see it and come back and talk to me!
Comment from Deborah
Time July 19, 2010 at 9:41 am
Ditto. I have so much to say that I haven’t been able to post anything. We’ll definitely have to discuss over a drink or two next month.
Comment from Sandi G
Time July 19, 2010 at 10:10 am
Great review, my only regret-it’s not coming to my area so I must wait for the dvd. *sigh*. And I much prefer a realistic portrayal vs. whatever we might think is the perfect lesbian film. Let’s face it, if you put 10 of us in a room, you’ll get 10 different answers about what we would each think that would be.
Comment from Kristin
Time July 19, 2010 at 10:40 am
maybe you could watch one kid while we go to it in a couple of weeks.
Comment from Vikki
Time July 19, 2010 at 12:24 pm
Deborah – Definitely much more to talk about. I’ll meet you at my hotel minibar in a couple of weeks.
Sandi – You are SO right. We are a notoriously hard to please bunch.
Kristin – absolutely! You were the only reason I was able to go to the movie so I’d be happy to babysity.
Comment from G
Time July 19, 2010 at 10:00 pm
Great review. It opens here this weekend, and I’m excited to see it – not because I think it will be a fairy tale, but because I want a good movie about people I can relate to. I’ll let you know what I think!
Comment from Susan
Time July 20, 2010 at 9:09 pm
Jealous. That you got to see it, that is. Think it’ll come to Thunder Bay? I can’t quite resign myself to the fact that I might have to see it on DVD.
Comment from Stacey
Time July 21, 2010 at 9:54 am
Great review. I liked the movie and thought it was well done. I like movies that show reality. I was apprehensive about the hetero sperm donor storyline but it did work with the story very well and in the end, there is no closure for him. I agree with you on sex scenes though. 
Comment from Polly
Time July 22, 2010 at 10:55 pm
Late to the party here (as per usual; life, on the other hand, is never late). So glad your hotel mini-bar is my hotel mini-bar, since that means I get to be in on the convo with Deborah. I’d love to record and transcribe and post it, except then I’d have to also finish transcribing and posting my other two backlogged interviews. Alas, I find you can’t find an unpaid intern to do work you’re doing for no pay.
Great review, though. Incisive read on the characters and the essence of the film, which to me is: emotional honesty.
Thank you, Vikki!
Comment from Vikki
Time July 23, 2010 at 5:50 am
Polly – You can actually find unpaid interns. I nabbed two through twitter to help with the Peeparazzi video. Also, I am very much looking forward to the mini bar conversations. You should record it and you could call it The Mini Bar Sessions.
Comment from blue milk
Time July 23, 2010 at 5:54 am
I am dying to see this film and was interested to read your thoughts.
Love that quote about marriage that you included, too.
Comment from betty t
Time July 23, 2010 at 8:05 am
you are a freakingly good writer and this is a fraktastic review of an intense, endearing, challenging, wonderful film
Comment from Mo
Time July 25, 2010 at 11:59 pm
Saw the film last night and loved it, although it was so different than I expected (did not read your review first). We gasped when the hetero affair happened, but somehow by the end, we were okay with it. I’ve always loved Annette Bening, and she is hotter than hot in this film!
Comment from Meredith
Time July 26, 2010 at 12:52 pm
I saw the trailer for this and thought this looked like a good movie (although I will most likely see it on DVD because it isn’t animated and has nothing to do with Star Wars, Hannah Montana or Selena Gomez).
And I love the marriage quote you included. It really is a fucking marathon sometimes (but one that I’m happy to run, even when we hit the proverbial wall).
Comment from Jen Underwood
Time August 16, 2010 at 5:07 pm
I loved this movie-I thought it was a very authentic portrayal of marriage. I wondered about the affair with Paul. It kind of made me cringe, mostly the sex scene. Especially because Nic and Jules did not get their own passionate scene. But then I thought-it wouldn’t have happened with just any man. She felt a connection to Paul because of her son. I also think Annette Bening should totally round the awards circuit for this one. Two gorgeous women, actually aging! On a movie screen! It is so refreshing to see.
PS I totally cried when they said goodbye to Joani at college.
Comment from Lucretialive
Time July 19, 2010 at 7:07 am
Wonderful review! I haven’t seen the movie yet but it’s gone straight to number 1 in my wish list. Mille grazie mz fox