Brave New Girl
Zeca has been picking out her clothes and dressing herself since she was about 15 months old. She is very rarely ambivalent about what she wears – she is intentional about her choices of patterns and fabrics. More often than not, I do not understand the thinking behind most of her ensembles and cannot figure out why she likes certain articles of clothing and combinations more than others. This morning, she struggled to find the right outfit for the day. First, she showed up in a long-sleeve dress with a pink sweater jacket over it. I told her that she couldn’t wear that outfit because 1)it was too hot and 2)the dress was too short because she’d grown out of it. Secondly, she appeared in my room in bright yellow overalls with no shirt. I didn’t remember ever having seen those overalls before but she found them in the back of her closet. I vetoed the overalls because 1) they too would be too hot and 2) they were too big. She sighed heavily and I suggested that I help her. She gave me a slight eye roll and said that she would figure it out by herself. She did. She came out in a rainbow patterned skirt and a pink tank top. I was shocked because it actually matched. Then, she said, “Could you please get me a tie from the hook in my closet? The brown one, please.” So, then she put the brown plaid tie (a wool tie, no less) around her neck, tightened it and went about her business.
Later, I asked her why she likes to wear ties and she said, “Well, I wear ties because I like to be brave.” Brave – such an interesting word for her to use, such a loaded word. Even at 5, she is acutely aware of the rules and expectations around gender expression. We’ve watched her conform to those at times and rebel at other times. As we walked to the car, our conversation continued and, at some point, she referred to me as a “boyish girl”. This is language she picked up from our friends Raquel and Susan but she had never referred to me as such. Luisa? Yes. Me? No. And, honestly, I’d never thought much about it but, in that moment, I realized that I don’t feel like a “boyish girl”. Really, I just feel like a girl. Well, really I feel like a natural woman, woman! But, let’s use her language. I said as much to her (without the Aretha Franklin reference and accompanying song) and she pointed out that I have short hair and I don’t wear dresses and I wear a lot of clothes that make me look “kinda like a boy”. Yep, I agree with all of that and I don’t feel at all “boyish”. I then said, “I guess this is a good reminder that no matter how others see you – what matters most is how you see yourself.” She agreed and then said, “How did we even get started on this conversation?” I said, “Ties.” She said, “Oh yeah, ties.” She looked out the car window and began to sing to herself and I knew that the conversation was over. Conversations like these remind me that there is more going on in my kids’ heads than candy and the next trip to Dairy Queen. Kids are fascinating little people.
Posted: July 15th, 2010 under Uncategorized.
Comments
Comment from Ms. Melom
Time July 15, 2010 at 9:24 am
Especially yours.
Comment from Sandi G
Time July 15, 2010 at 9:24 am
Wow, very aware young lady you have there. I wish more adults would give kids credit for having “grown-up” thoughts and intuitions. World would probably be a better place.
Comment from Deborah
Time July 15, 2010 at 9:30 am
Glad you vetoed the overalls/no shirt combo. I don’t think Dairy Queen serves you unless you’re wearing a shirt.
Comment from Meg
Time July 15, 2010 at 9:42 am
Good reminder about what kids have going on in their little heads.
Comment from leigh
Time July 15, 2010 at 10:07 am
love it!
Comment from Kelly
Time July 15, 2010 at 12:15 pm
Avery once explained to one of his friends that I, with the longer hair, was the ‘girl-mama’ and Dolores, with the short hair, was the ‘boy-mama.’ I asked him about this later and he said “every family is different and I was just trying to make it so they could understand.”
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Time July 15, 2010 at 12:43 pm
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by May Evans, Vikki . Vikki said: On girls and ties – http://uppoppedafox.com/?p=2148 [...]
Comment from Raechel
Time July 15, 2010 at 5:10 pm
Kelly’s message made my heart ache a little and at the same time I smiled- so pure- so sweet- so much smarter and kinder than most. Zeca is one amazing little girl- I wish she had been my friend when I was 5.
Comment from angelina
Time July 15, 2010 at 8:02 pm
Wonderful. “Ties. Oh yeah, ties.” Absolutely wonderful.
Comment from weese
Time July 16, 2010 at 6:36 pm
your kids rock. and are obviously snappy dressers.
i remember when ours were small – the outfits ranged from adorable to hilarious.
luckily – we have pictures.
both our daughter and son have at one time worn a tu tu… and my son wore his in high school.
Comment from weese
Time July 16, 2010 at 6:38 pm
ah …what the heck…i’ll share
http://weese.blogspot.com/2006/05/friday_25.html
Comment from sarah k
Time July 16, 2010 at 9:26 pm
love this! zeca is my favorite girl!
Comment from AA
Time July 18, 2010 at 9:23 pm
Totally wonderful. My son used to be so full of those awesome insightful thoughts. Now at 12 he is just full of thoughts of girls. And also he just keeps more to himself now. He is becoming so dang manlike.
Comment from G
Time July 19, 2010 at 10:03 pm
Brave. I like that. Just reading that made me feel a little braver because I wear ties, too. Thanks, Zeca.
Comment from Meredith
Time July 26, 2010 at 12:57 pm
Zeca is just too cute. You’ve got yourself a keeper there.
Comment from Tammie
Time July 31, 2010 at 6:11 am
Hi! You have no idea who I am, so perhaps I should introduce myself. I am a 43 year old married heterosexual woman. I just happened upon your website while Internet surfing, I found it to be interesting, funny & I figured since I don’t know too much about Lesbians (hey, where do you learn?) your site might be a good opportonity to learn more. Unfortunately, I don’t know any lesbians well. I do have a Lesbian aunt & while she has a wonderful
partner of over 20 years who I’ve always treated as her spouse, they are sorta 1/2 “out”. Anyway, this story about your conversation with your daughter is so cute!! And I’ve already learned something. I’ve notced that the majority of Lesbians I see do, as your daughter pointed out, have short hair, never wear dresses & dress kinda masculine. I wondered if they felt feminine. Thanks for answering my question; I now know that despite hairlengths or clothes style Lesbians do(some at least) still certainly feel womanly. Your blog is great!
Comment from Missy
Time July 15, 2010 at 9:24 am
I want to hug this post! Brave! What great women!