Up Popped A Fox

So, what have I been up to since we last did whatever it is we do here? What do we do here? Write? Read? Converse? When I say “Converse”, I am talking about talking and not about shoes. I thought I should clarify since lesbians read this blog and lesbians love Converse. They also love to converse too but that is sometimes less comfortable and doesn’t come in a rainbow of colors. Now, where was I? Oh yes, that’s the question at hand actually.

Last Saturday, we went to the Arctic Golf tournament again. For those of you who have no idea what an Arctic Golf Tournament is, you can read last year’s post here. That post had pictures. This one does not but how many pictures do we really need of me standing on snow attempting to hit a tennis ball with a golf club? The answer is “one” and that “one” was last year. This is the third year that we have attended and I get worse every year. Why is that? Shouldn’t I be getting better? I guess I did a little better this year because, though I missed the ball twice, I never fell down. Of course, I also quit after those two misses and Miguel took over for me and I was basically his caddy…a caddy that repeatedly said things like, “NO YOU CAN’T HAVE ANOTHER PIECE OF CANDY FROM THAT PASSING SNOWMOBILE!” and “OH MY GOD! YOU ALMOST HIT YOUR TEACHER IN THE HEAD WITH THAT CLUB!”. I also said, “WOW! GOOD JOB BABY!” quite a bit too. Our team tied with Luisa’s team for third place. Last year, Luisa’s team won so I think Luisa is getting worse too but let’s just keep that between us.

On Sunday, we went to the Open House at the kids’ school or, as we like to call it,  “The Completely Overwhelming Time At Our Children’s School During Which The Children Do Nothing But Beg For Brownies And Juice”. We are all figuring out that the Open House just might not be our gig. The classrooms are crowded and loud and we want to be amazed by our kids’ work and they feel like they have to perform and it’s just too much for everyone. At one point, I looked around and there were all these kids and parents sitting at tables focused on very serious projects while my son wandered around (and eventually left) the room while we stood awkwardly in the corner. Open Houses are required. It’s written in the parenting contract, fine print of course. I’m going to have to call my attorney to see if she can find a loop hole for me next year.

So, that’s what I’ve been up to these past few days…well, that and cursing the weather. Complaining about the snow and the cold takes up a lot of my time. It’s a full-time job but it’s apparently a volunteer position because I have not earned a dime from it yet. It’s hard to find creative ways to complain about the weather but you have to because you can’t just fill your Twitter stream with things like: “It snowed again. I hate this fucking state.” You can’t post blogs every day saying, “What’s new with me? Well, I still hate the cold, still can’t feel my feet and my ass is still sore from the sledding incident that robbed me of what little winter joy I had. How ’bout you?” People will grow weary. So, I’m suffering in silence though Luisa might disagree with the “silence” part of that statement. I did dig out from under the snow long enough to write about Spring for Grace the Spot: Seasons of Love – Lesbian Style. Check that out while I set myself on fire to get warm.