Revelations
Sometimes, I don’t blog because I have nothing to say. Sometimes, I don’t blog because I have too much to say. Despite appearances that suggest otherwise, I do have good blogging boundaries and don’t share everything here. For example, I refuse to tell you how much Velveeta is in my fridge at this very moment. See? I have to maintain some sense of mystery.
So, what has been going on with me that has kept me from writing? Angst, mostly. I am a person that struggles to live in the moment. I am also a person prone to excessive worry. You can imagine the joy and light that this combination brings to life. My frustration with my job combined with the post-holiday slump and my never-ending worries about my kids have left me a little wiped out. Today, however, I can see that I am moving through it.
When I first started in Adult Protection, a very experienced worker (and wise man) invited me to accompany him on one of his client visits. I don’t remember the specifics of the situation but I do remember it was horrible. Afterwards, my mind was swirling and I said something like, “Oh my god! What can you do about this?! Where do you begin?! What good can possibly come of all of this?!” He then spoke the four wisest words I’ve ever heard - “More will be revealed”. This is true in my work and true in life. Sometimes, I lose sight of the fact that I don’t have to know everything right this minute. I don’t have to have all of the answers now. I just have to continue on, knowing that the path is always illuminated as we go.
This means that I have to keep working at my job though I know that I must make a change at some point. What that change will be will become more clear in time. I need to return to the things that feed my soul like writing, blogging, video projects and music. I need to love my children and stop worrying that they will end up living in my basement taking my Social Security checks and spending all my money on cable television and Twinkies. That is not the inevitable outcome of their refusal to set the table and take out the recycling. More will be revealed. Today, I remember that but tomorrow, as always, could be another story.
Posted: December 30th, 2009 under Uncategorized.
Comments
Comment from Missy
Time December 30, 2009 at 1:44 pm
I am with you there! I have the therapy bills to prove it. I love those 4 words. My words of wisdom are: “Fake it until you make it.” (Think about it, on the surface it is shallow, but really it is about keep on going and trying to be who you want to be or feel how you want to feel. Hard to translate here I guess.) Also, I always try try try try try TRY to remember all the wonderful things in my life and the world. I have to try a lot as I was raised by eternal pessimists. Their glasses are not half empty, they are broken. I love them, but I do not want to live like that! Godspeed and namaste to you, Vikki! Thank you for sharing.
Comment from Kristin
Time December 30, 2009 at 2:08 pm
Twinkies would be a very bad health choice.
Burn out is very debilitating. I am not sure how to get around it and not sure how long i can wait until something is revealed.
Comment from Vikki
Time December 30, 2009 at 2:09 pm
I’ll try to come up with the next 11 steps for you Blazer!
Namaste to you too Missy.
Comment from sarah k
Time December 30, 2009 at 4:21 pm
i hope both of you know… vikki and missy… that those are both slogans from certain meetings i attend! i love them, i find comfort in little mantras, affirmations, prayers, whatever you want to call them. some of my favorites are simply, “please and thank you.” i believe that more will be revealed. i have seen it happen. one of my favorite zen readings is about finding meaning in whatever it is you are doing-at this very moment- because that is all we really have.
now, i don’t know if this speaks to how sick i am- but i am missing the work you do and wishing i was there.
Comment from diane
Time December 30, 2009 at 7:31 pm
you crack me up. i too am a worrier who strives to live in the moment. emt has helped, as has meditation and doing reiki.
just wanted to say thanks for the phrase “more will be revealed”–it’s my new mantra! whqt you wrote reminded me of a quote by Doctorow…”Writing a novel is like driving a car at night. You can see only as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.”
Have a healthy and fun new year!
Comment from Vikki
Time December 30, 2009 at 11:05 pm
Sarah – you must be really sick.
Diane – I love that quote and used Anne Lamotte’s paraphrase of it in another post somewhere on this blog. Can’t think of which one!
Comment from Amy
Time December 31, 2009 at 11:59 am
Is there really Velveeta in your fridge???? I’ve missed your blogging! Glad I was able to finish out 2009 with a UPTF fix. I also like the prhase “more will be revealed” – its something I need to start saying to myself re: my parenting and worrying about the wee ones.
Comment from leigh
Time December 31, 2009 at 4:39 pm
vijji ooops i meant vikki
what a great message … great reminder
thank you
peace & love
leigh
Pingback from Up Popped A Fox » Thoughts on Parenting
Time February 24, 2010 at 10:35 am
[...] of doom. You know I do this because I have imagined my children with video game addictions, stealing my Social Security checks and eventually ending up in prison. Do I really believe these things? No, of course not - I am [...]
Comment from Blazer
Time December 30, 2009 at 12:55 pm
Thanks for sharing Vicki…My name is Cindy and Iam a worrier also…Now all I need is a sponsor who will help me with the remaining 11 Steps. Thanks for getting me to this point and for the new mantra “More will be revealed…more will be revealed…