NaBloPoMoWoe

I realized today that I have been writing 9 blog posts every week since the beginning of November. This would explain why I mentioned to my fellow blogger, Laurie, that I am tired of my own writing voice.

Laurie gave me all sorts of great suggestions for posts including a Thanksgiving post entitled, “Hey! That pilgrim has two moms!” That was a missed opportunity for sure.

She suggested lists and interviews and I ignored her so that I could continue to gnash my blogging teeth (which are not at all like real teeth – not as sharp and no need to floss).

Then days passed and I became increasingly desperate so I decided to interview Laurie by text…about 15 minutes ago.

Laurie was difficult to interview and taunted the interviewer at several points during our discussion. I was amazing, however, and should probably have my own internet talk show. I asked questions that no one else ever asks.

I’ll share the highlights with you now:

Vikki: Let’s talk about your fear of Keebler clowns…

Laurie: Ugh.

Vikki: Dream pet?

Laurie: Boston Terrier.

Vikki: Name of the dog and would you make the dog wear a sweater when it’s cold outside?

Laurie: Hmmm…I have to think about a name. That is a big commitment. Bostons aren’t hardy dogs, so they may need a sweater for walks but they also loathe clothing. So it’s a catch 22.

Vikki: What is your favorite fruit and why? Mine is banana because it’s tidy.

Laurie: Blackberries. Because they are pretty and they taste good. Also they are great in smoothies AND in cocktails. They are the perfect food.

Vikki: What if you woke up one day and Boots, your sweater bedecked Boston Terrier, was made of butter?

Laurie: Weird.

Vikki: What would you do?

Laurie: My DOG was made of butter? That is sick, Vikki. Cat people are weird. Cry? I am really serious about my dogs. Blame it on you?

A brief interlude in which I gave Laurie the history of the butter question. I just searched this blog and realized that I’ve never written about the butter question. How is that even possible? A story for another day…

Vikki: What if you woke up and one of your hands was a lime?

Laurie: I hope to hell it’s my right one. A left lime hand would cripple me.

Vikki: What is your favorite cocktail?

Laurie: Margaritas if they are made correctly. Also a mojo – Vanilla Stoli, Blenheim Ginger Ale and lime.

Vikki: Sushi or fish tacos?

Laurie: Trick question!

Vikki: Ha!

Laurie: Fish tacos.

Vikki: Of course.

Vikki: Mountains or beach.

Laurie: Beach at all times. I want to go there now. Why am I here? This sucks.

Vikki: If you were stranded in a boat in the middle of the lake with no way to call for help, how many miles would it take for Train A to pass Train B?

Laurie (without missing a beat): 27

Vikki: Who would win in an epic cage battle between Herme the Dentist and Piglet?

Laurie: I feel like Piglet would kill Herme with his mind. Herme’s destined to be the underdog and Piglet has been beaten down for too many years.

Vikki: You think Piglet is smarter than Herme? Piglet has no marketable skills.

Laurie: Probably.

Vikki: No way.

Laurie: You gave me two of the most boring cage match contestants in recorded fictional history. I had very fragile straws to grasp at.

Vikki: Why are you picking on the interviewer? You need handlers.

An aside…there are no boring cage match contestants. This was a nuanced question clearly lost on the subject of my interview.

Vikki: If you could be the main character in a novel, who would you be?

Laurie: That’s hard. I can’t think.

Vikki: I win! I won the interview!

Laurie: This is a contest?

Vikki: I just made it one. Best interview ever, right? You have to give me credit for unusual questions.

Laurie: No. I just haven’t come up with my ANSWER YET. This isn’t Jeopardy.

Vikki: Don’t be a sore interview loser.

A few texts of irrelevant smack talk…

Vikki: You’re just bitter because Herme would whoop Piglet’s ass! #teamHerme #gayemoelf

Laurie: He’s gay?

Hours lapse (or minutes – time moves faster when it involves technology)…

Laurie: I actually think of myself as a modern day Jo March. Not very exciting.

Vikki: I should read that book since people always talk about it.

Laurie: I want to be the main character in that book where the smart, financially successful writer lives by the ocean part of the year and in NYC the other part, and travels a lot and is madly in love. You know, whatever book that is.

Vikki: The one you write. You are the writer of your own life.

BOOM! I’m like the love child of Ellen and Oprah. That last sentence is trademarked by the way so pay me a quarter every time you use it – even if you are using it ironically.

That concludes my interview with Laurie of Laurie Writes. Tune in next time for…well…I don’t know yet.

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35 Responses to NaBloPoMoWoe
  1. Laurie
    November 27, 2012 | 10:13 pm

    I want to clarify that YOU chose to name my dog Boots and not me, and that I actually concluded that you cannot pre-name an animal as they tell you what their names are when you meet them. That is a KEY POINT.

    • Vikki
      November 27, 2012 | 10:22 pm

      I guess you should have signed some sort of legal agreement entitling you to a say in editing. Rookie mistake, my friend. Rookie mistake.

  2. Nichole
    November 27, 2012 | 10:16 pm

    That made me laugh out loud. And I am currently alone in my basement, so it felt pretty weird.

    • Vikki
      November 27, 2012 | 10:22 pm

      I’m glad! That you laughed…not that you are alone in your basement. Are you hiding?

      • nichole
        November 27, 2012 | 11:32 pm

        Only from my feelings. (Not really. TV is in the basement. It’s not a creepy basement.)

  3. molly campbell
    November 27, 2012 | 10:51 pm

    Can you guys come over?

    • Vikki
      November 28, 2012 | 9:19 am

      I went to bed after this. Some interview subjects are exhausting.

  4. Deborah
    November 27, 2012 | 10:52 pm

    applause.

  5. A'Driane Dudley
    November 27, 2012 | 11:07 pm

    EPIC. Brilliant. I’d listen to your talk show, definitely.

  6. A'Driane Dudley
    November 27, 2012 | 11:10 pm

    I now owe you $1.00 by the way. I’ve had to say it that many times already.

    • Vikki
      November 28, 2012 | 9:20 am

      I take paypal.

  7. Ethan
    November 27, 2012 | 11:11 pm

    I scrolled to the end after the “what if your hand was a lime” part. I’m actually typing this comment WHILE sleeping.

    • Vikki
      November 28, 2012 | 9:20 am

      You are mean! Why do you hate gay elves? #gayelfphobe

  8. Terri Sonoda
    November 27, 2012 | 11:36 pm

    That just made my whole evening. I’m having a slow night, but still…
    It was genius. In a non-rehearsed, texted sort of way. LOVED it. Still chuckling over here.
    More please!
    Brava!

    • Vikki
      November 28, 2012 | 9:21 am

      A VERY slow night, I suspect. ha.

  9. Meg
    November 28, 2012 | 5:53 am

    Very entertaining :)

  10. tracy@sellabitmum
    November 28, 2012 | 8:37 am

    I think that I have a lot in common with Laurie. Is it cocktail time yet?

    • Vikki
      November 28, 2012 | 9:21 am

      You can use Laurie’s lime hand for garnish.

  11. Alexandra
    November 28, 2012 | 9:07 am

    Hello?

    Everyone?

    Do you NOT see how it is IMPOSSIBLE to not fall for Laurie Writes?

    IMPOSSIBLE.

    xo

    • Vikki
      November 28, 2012 | 9:22 am

      Hello? What about the interviewer who brought her out of her shell?

  12. Goon Squad Sarah
    November 28, 2012 | 9:19 am

    My God, why do you hate Piglet so much, Vikki? WHY?

    Piglet totally has marketable skills, like… um… he could model youth pig sweaters.

    Also, I would like to know the policy on straight girls using the hashtag #gayemoelf because it makes me exceedingly happy.

    • Vikki
      November 28, 2012 | 9:23 am

      I actually like Piglet and you are right about the sweater model thing. However, Herme is a dentist AND can make cheap toys.

      Everyone should use the #gayemoelf tag. It is my gift to the world.

    • Vikki
      November 28, 2012 | 9:23 am

      OH! And you should have read the horrible things Laurie said about Winnie the Pooh! I edited those out because I didn’t want people to call for her head on a stake.

  13. Mom off Meth
    November 28, 2012 | 9:25 am

    That is hilarious.

  14. Vikki
    November 28, 2012 | 9:29 am

    I think I might do a series of text interviews. Maybe next time I’ll even think of questions before hand.

  15. Deb Roby
    November 28, 2012 | 9:44 am

    I love Laurie!

    I love this interview!

    And I, too, immediately thought I’d be Jo March! (growing up with all brothers, I always imagined myself the 5th March sister!)

    But who is the Herme the dentist of whom you keep speaking?

  16. Bionic
    November 28, 2012 | 12:17 pm

    Wait, wait, wait. How did you not follow up on the drink question? You give her a lime-body-part scenario, immediately after that she tells you two favorite drinks that involve limes, and you don’t go to the cannibalism follow-up?

    I’m a little disappointed in you. I’m going to have to call this interview a mistrial.

    • Vikki
      November 28, 2012 | 12:28 pm

      Believe it or not, I thought about it but I was still reeling from the judgement about the butter question. I wanted to talk about zesting her hand for garnish.

      • Deb Roby
        November 28, 2012 | 12:35 pm

        Serious question here (shoot me!) Have you read PURE? Because it’s a book about people who get things fused to their bodies in a nuclear accident – the lead character has a doll’s head for a hand.

        I thought of that as soon as I read the lime/hand question.

        • Vikki
          November 28, 2012 | 12:46 pm

          What?! That terrifies me. I don’t think I can handle that.

  17. Kailynn
    November 28, 2012 | 4:29 pm

    This entire post reminded me of why I love you two. It also made me crave fish tacos. It’s not very hard to make me crave fish tacos though so I don’t know what this says about you two.

  18. twobusy
    November 29, 2012 | 6:05 am

    That was beautiful. Is there a Nobel Prize for best interview? There should be.

    Also: I was under the impression that Keebler had elves, rather than clowns. Please clarify.

    • Vikki
      November 29, 2012 | 10:01 am

      We had discussed evil keebler elves in a previous conversation and someone had suggested that Keebler clowns would be even worse.

  19. Al_Pal
    December 1, 2012 | 12:09 am

    Fun and funny.
    Win.

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