Just Another Random Monday

It’s Random Post Time again! Please do your best to keep up.

I was flipping through my journal this morning to see if it contained any little bits of writing that were brilliant that I had forgotten about and found a list of possible blog topics that I must have jotted down at some point.

1)Afraid old lady would fall

2)Appalachian mix (no banjos)

3)Ear hair

I have no recollection of actually writing these things down but they appear to be in my writing so I must have…unless there is someone who can copy my handwriting and puts things in my journal to drive me slowly insane. Completely plausible.

Instead of discussing ear hair, however, let us discuss deodorant once again. When we last discussed my deodorant, I was wearing the marathon fresh scent and smelling like my gay high school boyfriend. I had to ditch that deodorant though because Luisa couldn’t stand the smell and, when I tried to seduce her, she couldn’t stop laughing at my ridiculous aroma. So, I switched to some brand with a “lemongrass mint” scent. This one is effective and doesn’t make me a pariah in my own home which seems like a good thing. Well, last Friday, I went out to celebrate my friend Jen’s birthday and met my deodorant twin! I sat next to this woman and, within 30 seconds of meeting each other, we had discovered that we both wear the same deodorant. Small world of arm pits! I don’t know how this came out nor do I understand why I confessed that my deodorant often ends up in my mouth. Needless to say, that was an exciting minute. Speaking of the deodorant in the mouth thing, I think I have it figured out. My morning routine always follows the same pattern and I just realized that I always put on my deodorant and then take my pills. I suspect that I get the deodorant on my hands and then it gets on my pills that then goes into my mouth. Luisa suggested that I take my pills and then put on my deodorant (though she is still confused as to how the deodorant gets on my hands) but I am a creature of habit so I’m not sure I can make that change. I’ll keep you posted because I’m sure that “Wonder about Vikki’s deodorant/mouth issue” is part of your morning routine.

Speaking of morning routines, this morning wasn’t routine at all because we had to take the kids to school early because Miguel is leaving on a school trip for a week. Because we (and by “we” I mean “Luisa”) are nothing but efficient, we then headed to the Big Gay Tax Place to sign our tax returns. This probably won’t surprise you but Luisa handles all things related to our taxes. She gathers all the documents and meets with the tax people and all I have to do is sign. Today was the day I had to work my signing magic. So, we headed out and the conversation went something like this:

Vikki: My god, we’ve been driving forever. Where is this place?

Luisa: It’s only been a few minutes.

Vikki: Is the tax place in Wisconsin? I think it must be in Wisconsin. This seems so far.

Luisa: I told you where the tax place was before I went to Zambia in case you needed to drop off something.

Vikki: I didn’t pay attention to you!

Luisa: What if you had needed to come here while I was gone?

Vikki: Well, I would have googled it and then I would have made the long journey out here.

She then shook her head and sighed. We went in and signed the papers and she treated me to some tax preparation because our relationship still has the magic and then, as we were leaving, the tax guy handed me all the paperwork. I strutted towards the elevator…

Vikki: Clearly, he knows who handles all the paperwork in our relationship.

Luisa: Uh huh.

Vikki: Aren’t you glad I take care of these things?

Luisa: Uh huh.

Vikki: C’mon! I’m being so adorable right now!

Luisa: You’re being silly.

Vikki: You should never miss an opportunity to agree that your girlfriend is being adorable!

Luisa: Uh huh. It’s adorable when you take credit for something I did.

Whatever. She can’t take credit for my cute strut to the elevator. That was my own doing. Also, I just googled the tax place and it is 4.3 miles from the kids’ school. I guess it’s not in Wisconsin and a bit closer than it seemed.

On that note, I believe my work here is done for today. Ear hair, deodorant twins and taxes – I declare Random Monday a success.