As I quietly sipped a cup of coffee this morning, I heard rattling noises at the window. It was dark and I was alone and I was a little freaked out by the scuttling sounds that followed. Was it a rabid bat sent as part of a nefarious plot to drive me insane? Was it a lost joey, hopped up on Red Bull and looking for a fight?* I tip toed to the window, threw open the curtains and there, with its little claws stuck in the screen, was a squirrel! It was stretched out – its underbelly pressed against the window- and…it had boobies. I gasped! As I watched her teats dangling against the screen, our eyes met and I actually thought, “Oh girl…I’ve been there.” This is what it has come to – I bond with squirrels over nursing.
You know what else is wacky? Dreams. The other night I dreamed that I was at an old house preparing for a grand fete. My friend, Brian, was cooking for the hundreds of people that were scheduled to attend. The purpose of this gala? To celebrate Cagney and Lacey’s anniversary. At one point, Cagney and I were out for a walk and the skies got rather dark and ominous and I said, “Wow. This seems like tornado weather.” Then, we turned to see a tornado heading south towards my house. I was like, “Oh no! My house!” and then we looked again and the tornado was heading straight for us. Cagney and I took off running and headed for a ditch by a line of trees. We got down low and she was so calm and protective and had so much wisdom to offer about being out in the open with a tornado bearing down on you. Given her expertise, it’s no surprise that we survived. If you are ever faced with a tornado, I highly recommend Christine Cagney as a companion. We then headed back to the house to clean up for the party. The best part of the night was when Cagney and Lacey slow danced for all of us. Unfortunately, I had to leave because I needed to go talk with an archaeologist about dolphins living in the desert and eventually evolving into dragons but I had no doubt that the party was a success.
So, that’s what’s new with me. What about you?
*”hopped up” – heh.
Spooky! Same kinda experience but different location and different ingredients…
Propped up on a tired elbow with me lappy in bed and a cantankerous cat slowly nudging me to the other side of the empty bed I hear strange sounds emanating from somewhere in the otherwise silent house.
Plok Tok Rustle Bump Tsssk Tick Tick Schrrrr.
OMG the Bosten Strangler has sneaked in and is coming to slit me throat while I mindlessly surf the spiderless web in my partnerless bed.
The cat looks bemused but my heart THUMPS in my tiny chest and my endocrines scream “Fight or Flight?”
I don a pair of intruder unfriendly shorts on as I clumsily approach the foreign noises coming from the guest room…have I got a 45 in my hand? Can I do an Uma Kills Bill’s Balls?
The cat lazily cranks her jaws into an endless yawn and I see she’s missing another tooth.
More strange scratchy noises make my hair in all places a woman shouldn’t have em stand on end.
To be continued…..
Woah. Cool dream. I have dreams like that, too
Wonder what ever happened to that picture of Cagney and Lacey we used to keep in the living room at 1110 Main?
I see you didn’t trust us to get your play on words. Or were you just so proud of yourself. btw – In the interest of full disclosure, I must admit I didn’t get it til you pointed it out.
No, I didn’t trust. Shame on me