Fact and Fiction


Last year on Blogging for LGBT Families Day, I posted a video of my son singing a song that he wrote called, “Two Moms”. Two days ago, someone posted the following comment on the video on You Tube

He has a mother and a father. Anything else is fiction. 

At first, I simply sighed dramatically and rolled my eyes. I then made some sort of dismissive comment about the person’s originality. I mean, if you must be a bigot, please add some passion and humor to your offensive remarks. I’ve been out as a lesbian for well over 20 years, a parent for nearly 7, and I’ve heard just about everything. I am comfortable with myself and the life I’ve created and a random comment in cyberspace isn’t going to hurt me or incite anger. No siree. You see, when I pondered that comment, I looked out over the High Road and felt that it was mine. I was the High Priestess of the High Road. 

This morning, though, I woke up cranky. I was tired and there was not enough coffee. By the time I got into the car and saw that it was almost out of gas, I was past edgy and downright agitated. I drove to work trying to focus on Latté Procurement but the word “fiction” kept interfering. Clearly, I had some unfinished business with that damn You Tube comment. Merriam Webster defines “fiction” as something invented by imagination and I chewed on that awhile (thankfully, with a latté chaser). I wondered…if there can only be a mother and a father, which one of us is the fraud? Is it Luisa who spent last night with Miguel at Urgent Care and then at the pharmacy waiting for antibiotics to treat Strep? Is it me who cuddled with Zeca for a half hour at bedtime because she was scared and then got up in the middle of the night to hold her after a nightmare? For nearly seven years, we have been right here in the trenches of parenting. We have been there for every milestone, for all of the tears, frustration and joy. Our children know they are safe with us. They know that they are loved. They understand that loves makes a family not because we brainwash them but because that is their lived experience. My love for my partner is real and our love for our children is real. Hatred and ignorance will never change that. That, my friends, is a fact.

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26 Responses to Fact and Fiction
  1. Kelly
    June 2, 2008 | 2:44 pm

    Your family is beautiful – and that’s a fact!

    If that #!%#%!%!@! who commented on You Tube had been lucky enough to have had a real loving family themself, maybe they wouldn’t list Pit Bull Attacks, Taser attacks, etc as their favorite You Tube clips.

  2. Vikki
    June 2, 2008 | 2:53 pm

    Oooo…you delved further into it than I did!

  3. […] *Up Popped a Fox: Fact and Fiction […]

  4. Katherine
    June 2, 2008 | 4:33 pm

    Being a mother or a father has more to do with love than genes. But he probably has no love, bad genes and is very jealous that he didn’t have two very hot moms himself. I guess with 2706 viewers, you’re likely to get at least one nut.

  5. Shelley
    June 2, 2008 | 7:28 pm

    “That, my friends, is a fact.”

    I just read your post out loud to my partner. Just fabulous.

    I’m so pleased to be a member of your tribe. :-)

  6. lula
    June 2, 2008 | 7:30 pm

    You think, shut up, and yet such a comment is like an irritating mosquito that won’t go away, isn’t it. And that’s what such comments are designed to do: rain on your parade. But you know what, the parade is there, the people are there, so let the show go on. In other words: it’s about Miguel and what he is expressing and not about some teen’s comment.

    Keep on spreading the love.

  7. Vada
    June 2, 2008 | 8:13 pm

    What children need is unconditional love. It doesnt matter if it is in the form of a mother, a father, two mothers, two fathers or a mother and a father. You have created a beautiful family, I have enjoyed reading about you all.

  8. Shelly
    June 2, 2008 | 8:16 pm

    He has a mother and a mother. The people who care for him, love him, tend to him–those are his parents. All else is fiction.

  9. Giddings
    June 2, 2008 | 9:56 pm

    That fictionista has WAY too much time on his hands, and that’s a fact.

  10. Joy
    June 2, 2008 | 11:09 pm

    Great post; beautifully written. Mr. “Anything Else Is Fiction” is so full of it. By his logic, step-parents are fiction, adoptive parents are fiction, and the heterosexual father with the low sperm count whose child was conceived w/ donor sperm is fiction. He’s just a hater, couching his nastiness in pseudo-analytical tones. His kind will die out and we will endure because we are family.

  11. Meghan
    June 2, 2008 | 11:11 pm

    Shelly, you took the words out of my mouth. Miguel know love and that’s more than we can say for that loser. Sorry you were hurt.

  12. Kristin
    June 3, 2008 | 7:38 am

    The mean and vindictive me- The commenter was a man and obviously not a parent.

    The trying to have compassion me – The commenter was a man and obviously not a parent.

  13. Ali B.
    June 3, 2008 | 11:06 am

    Easy to say “don’t worry about the haters.” But Miguel knows who his parents are. We do, too.

    Great post. And that’s a fact.

  14. Erin
    June 3, 2008 | 12:33 pm

    I’m worried that I might have brought the a-hole commenter to the video by linking up to it on a post I wrote for Babble, citing it as my very favorite Blogging for LGBT Families post from last year. If so, so sorry. But I really wanted to share what I think is the most incredible evidence of just how amazing the child of two moms can be.

  15. Bacchus
    June 3, 2008 | 1:12 pm

    Here! Here! Let’s hear it for a great family. For many people they don’t want to see our families as real and having value, doing so would call their beliefs into question. When things that are so obviously apparent as a loving family all they can do is close their eyes and pretend.

  16. Keiki3
    June 3, 2008 | 7:42 pm

    ‘Family’ is defined as a “primary social group; parents and children” — nothing about a mother and “father”. Being a parent is a tough job (why didn’t someone tell me this?!?) and it is obvious that you and Lusia are doing wonders with your children.

    Fact is your children know who their parents are and that they are loved. Isn’t that all that matters?

  17. Amy
    June 3, 2008 | 11:03 pm

    I’m sorry. The audacity of ignorant, bitter people to talk about a child’s family like that. (hug)

  18. Susan
    June 4, 2008 | 7:52 am

    Tee hee hee, loved your comment Kristin. Ah well, when Miguel is famous and receiving his first Grammy, he can dedicate it to the blowhole who decided to trash a child. Think Tom Hanks at the Academy Awards after Philadelphia.

  19. Susan
    June 4, 2008 | 7:55 am

    By the way, after seeing Kelly’s comment, I went to check out Crzilla as well. Kind of like polar opposite people, aren’t we all? When I look over his favorites and then think about your family and the people who love you, I gasp at the idea that democracy in a nation this size is actually supposed to work. I mean, what do you think the common ground is between all of us and Crzilla? Ideally, there must be some somewhere, but it staggers the mind.

  20. sarah g
    June 4, 2008 | 8:18 am

    this brought tears to my eyes. love and security makes a family. great post.

  21. Stacey
    June 4, 2008 | 9:24 am

    Great post. That jerk obviously doesn’t understand what fiction means. You are right–our kids know who family is because we are the ones who are there for them through thick and thin, sick and healthy, happy and sad…

  22. Tyffany
    June 4, 2008 | 9:29 am

    Bravo! Thank you for putting it so eloquently.

  23. Colleen
    June 4, 2008 | 12:33 pm

    I googled this idiot Crzilla and found nothing but fiction. Looks like cartoon nonsense to me. He obviously has no idea of reality, life, love and family! Love your post.

  24. Meredith
    June 4, 2008 | 7:11 pm


    That is a wonderful way to define a family. Great post.

  25. blue milk
    June 12, 2008 | 4:57 am

    Fantastic reply, well done!

  26. […] how difficult it still is to be anywhere outside the heterosexual nucelar family model (and also this from Up Popped A Fox), these from the very patient, very […]

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